The Lott Family Bog

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl....

2011-08-16T17:45:00.000-07:00

Lately I have really been struggling with the thought of there will be no more babies added to our little family. And I must admit I have had a "poor is me" attitude for quite some time over this realization. But I am thankful for today. Thankful for the reminder that I have had not one but two miracles in my life. Today we celebrate Madelyn. We celebrate the miracle of her birth and the miracle of how she came to be a part of our family. Not only is she beautiful but she is smart. I mean really smart. She loves to learn and she loves to do things the right way. She has a strong and faithful spirit, and tries hard to follow Heavenly Father's plan. She finds honor in making good choices and is a person who feels her Heavenly Father's love and presence strongly. She is talented. She is a miracle and I am thankful every day that I was chosen to be her mother. Here is an excerpt from a journal entry written right after we brought her home....

It was about 5:00 pm and I was just finishing up with work. Brother Lewis, our caseworker called me and said I have some news; you and Dallan have been selected by a birthmother. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He said she lives in Florida and is due on August 17th. August 17th I asked? That was only 9 days away. I asked if he knew whether it was a boy or a girl and he said he didn’t know. We talked for a minute and he said I will keep you updated, but be prepared to go to Florida at any time. I hung up the phone and I couldn’t believe that had just happened. I left the office and on my way home I called your dad on the cell phone. I said I have some news and he said what? I said we are getting a baby and he said when and I said she is due August 17th and he said hurry up and get home. I raced home and as I walked into the house I shouted can you believe that you could be a dad in nine days? Your dad said what do you mean nine days and I said she is due in nine days and he said WHAT??? I thought you said she was due in November. Your dad is a planner and I don’t think he ever expected to have so little time to prepare for your arrival. I think we spent every night for the next week at the baby store, checking things out. Your dad wouldn’t let me buy anything so finally after going to this store day after day with his list I told him I wouldn’t go back until he promised I could buy you something! That night we bought the little car seat we would bring you home in. Your dad must have checked that thing over and over to make sure it was the safest one you could buy. Nothing but the best for you.

She (Stephanie) struggled with the decision but knew in her heart that she couldn’t take care of you the way you should be taken care of. She worked two jobs and knew that your birth father wouldn’t be around to help take care of you. She told us that she wanted a better life for you. That she wanted you to have a mother and a father. I want you to know that as she sat there and told us all of this she had tears streaming down her face. Madelyn she loves you, perhaps a little more than most mothers love their children because she had the courage to do something so tremendously hard. The easy thing would have been to have kept you, but she had seen the hard challenges your brothers had to face and she felt so bad about that. More than anything I want you to know how much she loves you.

Women having babies is perhaps the greatest miracle of life. You hear women tell of their babies coming into this world and how miraculous it is to have a life growing inside you. I worried that I would somehow feel cheated because I would never have that experience. When you were placed in my arms and I looked at your tiny face, I was so thankful I was blessed to have a different kind of miracle, one that most people don’t get to experience and a miracle that is every bit as priceless had I given birth to you myself.

That Madelyn is the story of your birth, of how you came to be the most important part of our little family. Your story is about love, miracles and about sacrifice. I hope one day you will look at your life and be amazed at how much hope and how much change you brought about all because you were born. We love you Madelyn and we thank our Father in Heaven each day that you are our daughter.

Happy birthday Madelyn...we are excited to see just how much good you will bring into this world.

Oh the Memories...

2011-08-08T16:44:00.000-07:00

As I was unloading the dishwasher my thoughts suddenly turned to Josh & Jen Carter. You may be wondering why I would think of this family while doing something as ordinary and boring as emptying the dishwasher so let me tell me why...We spent many nights at the Carter home having dinner and usually when we were all done Josh would do the dishes. And when Josh is loads the dishwasher he separates all the utensils into their individual categories. Spoons all go in one bin, forks in another, and so on and so forth. Now the utensils just aren't gathered up and thrown in the bin but he turns them so they are all going the same direction. Some of you may be thinking this is a little extreme, and I have to admit I initially thought that myself but try it once and you will discover that it makes unloading the silverware MUCH easier. Thank you Josh Carter.

So that got me thinking...this happens to me a lot. I will watch something, eat something, or hear a certain song I remember someone. A friend, a person who means something to me, a person I haven't seen in a while and miss having in my life. So without further ado....here are some of my favorite memories. I would love it if you posted one of yours and it does NOT have to be a memory that includes me.

Clark & Emily Scharman...Chinese food, root beer, and Survivor.

Dick and Joyce Ekstrand...Chocolate, Baskin Robbins, Red Hot & Blue, and missionary sandwich hugs.

Lexi Magnusson...I can't drink a Mountain Dew or eat a chocolate Whopper (you know I had to specify otherwise you would think we hit up the burger king frequently) without thinking of her fondly.

Heather James...Nachos, ladies nights, prom dresses & police cars, and diet coke with lime.

Andria Laws...Every time I sweep the floor I giggle to myself. If you want to know just ask her about the time she got frustrated and went for the broom.

Nicole Kunzler...Wendy's Frosties.

Sherri Marks...Take 5 candy bars. Because of her I am now addicted. Or was that Heather's favorite. I just remember going to the mall with those two girls and being introduced to them. Now I am hooked.

Bernice Tooley....gallon jugs of milk. LOVE it and her!

Susan Forsgren....two words....SECURITY OFFICERS.

Jessica Washburn...Lime Cheesecake, and other yummy treats.

Laura Vanderbeek - Bike rides, walks in the rain, and Amish delights.

Oh I could go on and on...to those that I forgot...it wasn't that I forgot but this post can only be so long.

PLEASE tell me some of your memories of some of your favorite people...NOT including ME!

The Claws Came Out...

2011-07-30T00:26:00.000-07:00

My parenting rule of thumb is when a problem arises between one of my children and a child that doesn't belong to me is take the side of the other kid. I try VERY hard to approach the situation with this mind set....What did my child do to provoke the problem. I do this not because I think my children are mean but as their mother I KNOW what they are capable of and as much as I hate to admit it...they aren't always PERFECT. For instance...Jack (he prefers the name Jack...at least for today) LOVES to tease. Now his teasing isn't meant to harm or to make another person cry (unless you are his big sister and then his ONLY motive is to inflict as much emotional turmoil as possible). No, he just loves good natured teasing, but other kids sometimes don't understand that. So the first question I ask when I see a problem between Jackson and another kid....Jackson, are you teasing? And one thing you have to LOVE about him is he tells the truth. If he was teasing he will fess up. With Madelyn...I know she LOVES to be the BOSS. When she plays someone she wants to be the director, you know the one calling all the shots. So when I see a problem I automatically ask...are you being bossy? So that is the first thing I asked when she swam over to me today and said these girls are being mom. Apparently, one wanted to play with her and the other well didn't and she was the alpha in the pack. So I give her my "girls are just mean" speech and tell her that I will play with her. Twenty minutes later the "nice" one comes over and says would you like to play with us because it is getting a little lonesome with you. Those were her exacts words. HALLELUJAH my faith was restored. Madelyn looked at me and I said sure you can go play...just don't be bossy (I whispered that to her as not to embarass her). So there I was in the pool (yes...in a bathing suit) watching Madelyn play with this cute little girl when here comes the alpha. She grabbed her little friend and said "I need to talk to you". The nice one kept saying but we are playing, don't you want to play with us? She said no we need to have a "meeting". So I just said why don't all three of you play together? And she looked at me and said "I need to have a meeting with my friend" and I said well after your meeting maybe all three of you could play", she looked at me and said..."maybe". I have one word B-R-A-T. I kept looking around to see if I could spot which mother I thought she belonged to. Okay I am now being bratty when I say that my suspicions were right. There she was the alpha daughter talking to her barbie doll of a mother, you know the one in a string bikini, a body to match, and a Von Dutch hat shading her pretty little head from the sun. That was catty I know...but I am still mad. Well.....the story ends with the alpha winning. She accomplishes this by going to the above mentioned mother and saying something probably something along the lines of "mom, my friend nice blond girl won't stop playing with the red haired girl." Sure enough within a matter of moments both girls were summoned from the pool for a mandatory rest. And Madelyn is left alone again in the pool. A few minutes later they re-enter the pool but the alpha takes great measure in staying as far away from Madelyn as possible. I know this is only the beginning of things to come. I hope Madelyn will forever be known as one of the "nice" ones. My mother heart broke for for her today... I mean come on....who wouldn't want to be friends with this cute girl?

I Haven't Forgotten....

2011-07-14T13:42:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to check in to let everyone (the 4 that still read this) that I haven't checked out. We are just busy with Summer fun. I will post some pictures soon! Plus I am having great difficulty publishing new posts. Something with an update Dallan did on your computer and now each time I try to post something I get a javascript error message. So frustrating!

The Joys of Camping....

2011-06-21T22:16:00.001-07:00

For those that REALLY know me, you know I am not a camper. There are many aspects of camping I don't necessarily enjoy. It is my opinion that camping is a chore, a production where everything from making breakfast to using the bathroom is work. But Dallan talked me into it. He said camping creates memories for your children and I want to go and create some memories...so I relented...and here are some of our best moments....

1. Our camp site - We camped at Cave Springs up in Sedona. Our camp site backed up to a creek where the kids found this rope swing. It was one of their favorite things to do.

2. Our trip to slide rock - This was Madelyn and Jackson's favorite off site activity we did. They had an absolute blast and were not afraid to slide, swim, or jump!

3. Our trip to see the Indian cliff dwellings at Walnut Creek Park - Madelyn spent a good portion of her second grade year studying Native American tribes, so this was right up her alley. After going all Jackson wanted was to meet a "real" Native American.

Madelyn by a very cool looking Juniper tree.

Hanging out in one of the many cliff dwellings there.

4. Our trip to Bearizona - In mine and Dallan's opinion this was a waste of $50, but the kids had a good time.

This was one of the black bears we saw from the car window as we drove through the zoo. The kids appropriately named him "tubby".

Classic Jackson! He came up with that pose all on his own.

Their Bearizona tattoos!

5. Our hiking trip to Devils Bridge - The kids didn't love the hike. It was hot and it was uphill, oh who am I kidding I didn't love the hike either but the end was worth the effort.

The beginning of the trail head.

The top of the sandstone arch.

What to do, What to do...

2011-06-07T18:20:00.001-07:00

As I was sitting poolside today in my shorts and tee shirt I vacillated between two different thoughts...The first....why should I care about what I look like in a swimsuit (I refuse to wear one in public) when there are people that look like "that" walking around parading themselves in front of a crowd of people. I mean they seriously have no shame. And the second thought was....if you wear one you will undoubtedly become one of "those" people and someone else will be thinking/writing the same thing about you. So you either stay cool or stay covered, I haven't made up my mind yet, and I can promise you that there will be no pictures should I decide to be brave.

PS - I love the promise of looking 10 pounds thinner in 10 seconds with the "miracle" swimsuit. Do they not understand that the swimsuit only covers a portion of my body. I mean they aren't selling me something that goes from head to toe. How do they then expect to make me look 10 pounds lighter? Advertising!

Feeling a Little Guilty...

2011-06-06T22:17:00.000-07:00

Today was our first real day of Summer vacation. I mean the first day that we were home by ourselves for the entire day. Can I just tell you that it was a looong morning followed by an even longer afternoon? The last thing I wanted to do was plan a family home evening lesson. So I decided I would go ahead and give my search of the perfect cupcake recipe a trial run and give the results to the neighbors across the street. Because the "thin mint" cupcakes included things like boiling water and chocolate ganache I decided to go for the easier snickerdoodle cupcake. And I cheated BIGTIME. It was a store bought cake mix with a few added ingredients to doctor it up, and then it was frosting you buy in a can again with a few extra ingredients. I made the batter, sprinkled the tops with cinnamon and sugar, and hoped for the best. First lesson learned....I tend to overfill. The results....cupcake batter oozing over the edge. However, they did make my house smell lovely. The tops didn't "crackle" like a snickerdoodle cookie does but the taste was yummy. I then frosted them with cinnamon vanilla frosting, attached a card to the plate and sent the kids on their way. On a different note...I need serious help with my presentation skills because I am telling you they weren't pretty. In fact I was embarrassed to even take a picture of them so I don't even have any proof that I actually baked them. But here is where the guilt set in. A few minutes after the kids came home the phone rang. It was my neighbor. Mandee what kind of cupcakes were those? Well...they are supposed to be reminiscent of a snickerdoodle cookie. Well they were the best cupcakes I have ever had. Seriously you could put those cupcake places out of business. I was too embarrassed to tell her they came from a box. But then Dallan reminded me that maybe she knew they came from a box and that they weren't as good as a professional because (and these are his exact words) what is she really going to say...hey these are pretty good but I know they came from a box. Maybe she decided to call you because it is easier lying over the phone than in person. By the way he ate 4 cupcakes so they couldn't be that bad! So there is my confession...I am a slacker. I buy cake mixes from a box and pretend they are homemade. There I said it. And for those like me that want the recipe...you let me know, and I promise I will never tell a soul.

It's Been A Long Time Coming....

2011-05-29T22:24:00.000-07:00

I don't think anyone even checks in on me anymore...not that I blame them. I have been MIA from the blog-o-sphere for quite some time. So why the renewed interest? I am not sure to be honest with you. Maybe it was the cute background with the semi-custom header I ordered one late evening when I was bored and had nothing to do but surf the net. Or perhaps it's because I feel as though I am losing touch with those friends who are smart enough to stay far away from Facebook, and kind enough to keep those they love updated on what is happening in their world with more than one sentence tag lines from the above mentioned social networking site. Whatever the reason is...it's good to be back.

With that said, I felt as though I needed a purpose. Something more to report on than just the day to day of my somwhat boring and predictable life. You know something that would keep people coming back. So here is the only thing I could come up with....While being laid up sick the last three days one question kept running through my mind...WHAT WOULD IT FEEL LIKE TO BE REALLY, REALLY GOOD AT ONE THING? Perhaps this question stemmed from the countless Food Network and HGTV shows I have watched in the last 48 hours but here is my mission...and believe me I know this goal goes COMPLETELY against my desire to shed 15 pounds...

I like to bake and I am pretty good at it but not REALLY, REALLY GOOD or better yet, GREAT at it. So what if I learned to be REALLY GREAT? Maybe I would make new friends. Maybe my kids would make new friends. Or maybe my husband would come home to a house that smells closer to Martha Stewart's home than that of a trash heap. So here it is... as I sat on the couch I saw two sinfully delicious looking nuggets of yumminess. The first was a Snickerdoodle cupcake, and the next was a "Thin Mint" inspired cupcake. Both cookies are ones I happen to love. Here is the mission...the first is to make the best "Thin Mint" cupcake I have ever tasted. And I just don't mean kind of okay. I mean REALLY, REALLY GREAT. And once I have mastered that one I will move on to another variation.

So goodbye for now. Soon I will post pictures and updates on my quest for minty goodness. Wish me luck!

PS - I will make sure and get over whatever "bug" that has invaded my life and body for the past 3 almost 4 days and clean my trash heap of a house before beginning my culinary quest. Just thought you should know!

PSS...it doesn't look like the first mission will be that hard seeing as how the recipe is right on the cooking channel. Baby steps....

2011-05-16T15:41:00.000-07:00

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On the Night You Were Born...

2010-10-01T20:47:00.001-07:00

This afternoon I called out to Jackson telling him to go and pick out some books for us to read together. This has become our weekly ritual. A few moments in the middle of the day that is just for him and me. We climb up on the bed and I open up the first book he picked out.

"On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered, Life will never be the the same. For never before in story or rhyme (not even once upon a time) has the world ever known a you, my friend, and it never will, not ever again....Heaven blew every trumpet and played every horn on the wonderful, marvelous night you were born".

Reading that book to him started me thinking...I spent so much of my young adult life trying to measure up. It was exhausting work and in the end I always fell short of someones expectations. I never felt pretty enough or smart enough. Truthfully I just didn't feel like I was enough of anything. That was until I meet someone who literally changed my life. He was something of a spiritual giant. A man who said here I am God...use me for good. And this is what he taught me....

It is the simple truth that each of us is a unique child of a loving Heavenly Father. We were sent here with all the qualities and characteristics to be happy and successful in this life. Say that out loud...I AM A CHILD OF GOD. That is powerful. That makes you and me valuable... worth more than we can even comprehend. Knowing that one bit of eternal truth changes everything. It changes the way you see yourself. It changes the way you see the people you love and perhaps more importantly it changes the way you see those that are HARD to love. With this knowledge comes responsibility. With this knowledge comes peace of mind. It is my hope as a mother that I can instill this bit of truth in both of my children. I hope I say it loud enough and often enough that it becomes a permanent fixture in both their minds.

So to Madelyn and Jackson.....Be happy with who you are. When feelings of inadequacy and self doubt creep in...pray. Pray and ask Heavenly Father to help you see yourself the way HE sees you. Ask Him to help you learn to love yourself. Remember you have something to offer the world because there is no one in the world like you. Believe in yourselves. Believe in your talents. Believe you have something great to offer the world. And one last thing... I will let you in on a little secret....an amazing thing occurs when you learn to love yourself....loving others and seeing the good in people becomes almost effortless.

I Believe in You.
Love,

And So It Begins.....

2010-09-28T09:44:00.000-07:00

I think I have been holding out hope that our darling Madelyn would grow up to be well....socially awkward.

This would save us from so many things....mainly BOYS. She is BEAUTIFUL now and I am quite positive this attribute will only increase as she grows up (minus that weird age when all girls look gawky and strange). She has never been a "girly" girl. She doesn't like dolls, she likes dinorsaurs. She doesn't like dresses, she likes shorts and her sneakers. Her hair is ALWAYS in a ponytail because she doesn't like it curly. She is a perfect tomboy. A tomboy who likes to play with boys at recess but NOT a tomboy who "LIKES" boys. So here is the situation....a couple of weeks ago Miss Madelyn started talking non-stop about a boy we will call "C". It was C this and C that. And mom would you like to know all the things that C does for me at school? Sure, Madelyn...what does C do? Well he carries my books, he punches my homework ticket, and once mom I couldn't put on my necklace and he did it for me. OH BOY this does not sound good. After several more days of C this and C that Madelyn asks this question....Mom, what does the word C-R-U-S-H mean? Well Madelyn crush has several meanings. Why don't you tell me where you heard that word and I will tell you what it means. Okay...see mom...C's friend told me at recess that C has a crush on me. OH REALLY? Ya, so what does it mean? Well Madelyn it means that he likes you as a FRIEND. Oh, okay. Then Dallan discovers a tell-tell sign that this wasn't just your typical one way crush. The evidence? A box covered with hearts and C's name written all over it. They had a talk. The box was turned so the hearts couldn't be seen. Later that evening Madelyn comes in our room and says mom, I feel bad about drawing those hearts. I said its okay Madelyn. She said but mom I just can't stop thinking about that word. I said what word would that be Madelyn...CRUSH mom. I just can't stop thinking about it. And so it goes on. The word PLAY DATE has been BANNED from our vocabulary...courtesy of one FREAKED out DAD. And we are only in the SECOND GRADE.....YIKES.

How do you let go?

2010-06-03T10:43:00.000-07:00

Over the years we have lived in lots of places. I loved moving. I loved the adventure of going some place new. I loved that every few years you were forced to go through your things and get rid of the junk you were holding on to. I also loved that with each new place you got the opportunity to reinvent yourself. Our first move was to Charleston, SC. Dallan and I were newly weds. Life was good. Very good in fact. It was there I learned just how valuable friendships are. We meet amazing people with huge hearts and great capacities to love. Dallan and I witnessed miracles there. We have cherished memories of being a part of an extended family of friends who cried with us and finally celebrated with us when we were blessed with Madelyn. But Charleston was easy to leave. Only because everyone we loved was moving on too. Our next stop.....Washington. From the moment we walked into our new ward it felt like home. I remember sitting behind Jessica Washburn in church. She turned around and said something funny and when she turned back around I whispered to Dallan I like her. She was the first of MANY women who I came to love, admire, and respect while living there. These women became my lifeline. As I struggled with the waiting for yet another baby these women rallied behind me. And when we finally got news of Jackson they were there crying happy tears right along side of me. And then it was time to leave. But this time was MUCH, MUCH different. I was the only one leaving. It was one of the hardest most depressing times in my life. My heart ached to be back there. And so I closed myself off. If I couldn't have that I didn't want anything else. I am still in touch with many of those friends. I have watched from afar as they have celebrated new babies, personal successes, and sadness that comes from losing someone you love. Not being there has made me sad, jealous, and sometimes even angry. I haven't made the same effort to meet and make friends because I wanted those friends back. So this is me attempting to restart and open myself up to new possibilities here. Since leaving I have become like a newly returned missionary...forgetting all the hardships while remembering only the wonderful. I suppose a part of me thought me closing the door would somehow mean that, that time in my life didn't mean as much as I thought it did. However, I have realized that closing the door doesn't mean forgetting or even leaving people behind. What it does mean is that I can now come to terms that things may never be like that again and that's okay. It has taken me a long, long time to finally say... good bye.

For Lexi.....

2010-05-31T20:39:00.000-07:00

Disneyland 2010 - At the end of April we headed west with the Tenney's for a weekend filled with all things Mickey.

Madelyn & Jackson at the hotel. They were VERY excited to be in California and out of the car!

Here is Madelyn getting ready to ride California Screamin. She was an adrenaline junkie...I think the final Tally for going on this ride was 5...something she was very proud of!

Jackson's FAVORITE moment of the trip...meeting "race car" or Lightening McQueen!

Jackson's ride of choice while waiting for Madelyn & Dallan to finish their ride on California Screamin.

Hanging out on the pirate boat at California Adventure. I LOVE that smile!

So Jackson would NOT stand close to ANY of the characters with the exception of Lightening & the princesses. He was in awe of them....

Madelyn swinging in Tarzan's tree.

Waiting in line with her autograph book to see the princesses. Which by the way was surprising. She doesn't like their movies, books, costumes, etc, etc. Maybe it was the thrill of adding to her book that made the wait worth while.

The Tenney Family. They are some of our FAVORITE people!

Waiting to board the Finding Nemo ride.

All in all it was a GREAT trip. The kids had a great time with their cousins and Dallan and I got to spend the weekend with Susan & Jeff. The Tenney's LOVE Disneyland, so if I can talk Dallan into it there very well could be a Disneyland sequel next summer.

To a Great Man....

2010-02-10T14:27:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago I had the thought that I wanted to make a list of people who had made a positive impact on my life and then write each of them a letter thanking them. Well like lots of ideas...they came....and then they left. But as I was reflecting on this new year and what I wanted to accomplish again the thought came to me and this time I decided I was actually going to follow through with it. So I made the list. And out of all the names there were just two people who I hadn't seen or spoken to in several years. Finding them was going to be the hardest part. I set about my search and after several emails to the MTC and several google searches later I found one of the two. Actually, I found someone with the same name...Kelly R. Gehret. I decided to take a chance and write this person an email hoping that they were somehow related. And sure enough the Kelly Gehret I wrote was the son of President Gehret who was my Branch President in the MTC. But I was too late. President Gehret passed away in 2004.

So who was President Gehret? Upon arriving at the MTC I was scared...shell shocked...unsure of myself, and above all those insecure feelings I was left feeling VERY aware of all the wrong choices I had made. I felt worthless and in no way worthy to be there. And in comes President Gehret. To say I was intimidated would be an understatement. When he spoke...you listened. This man saw right through me. He knew I was struggling. What I loved most about him was his unwillingness to give up on me. He saw something good in me. He believed in me...believed I was capable of becoming more than I had allowed myself to be up to that point in my life.

The few letters he wrote to me while I was a missionary are some of my most prized possessions. The lessons he taught me about forgiveness, God's love, and the importance of seeing yourself the way God see you are priceless. I am only sorry I never got to tell him how I finally moved past the guilt. How I learned to love myself in spite of the mistakes I had made and how because of him I try harder to see the good in other people. Thank you President Gehret for changing the course of my life...I look forward to seeing you again someday.

The results are in...

2009-12-10T14:13:00.001-08:00

Our color choice for this yeat's family photos was quite difficult. I love black. I think just about everyone looks good in black. But it was time for a change or so everyone told me! In the end I went with gray. Dallan thought it was funny that I chose something VERY close to my all time favorite...but give me some credit...at least I tried! Here are some of the pictures. We are waiting for the rest to be mailed to us. Our photographer was amazing to work with, was more than reasonable in her pricing, and in my opinion did a fabulous job. If anyone living in Arizona would like her name and number just let me know!

All Aboard...

2009-12-08T07:10:00.000-08:00

The day before Thanksgiving we loaded up the family and headed up North to Williams, AZ. For those of you who don't know, Williams has a Polar Express train depot and for a small fee will transport you and your children all the way up to the North Pole. We were served cookies and hot chocolate by adorable waiters. As we ate and sipped our goodies we listened as the book was read to us. And before you could say ALL ABOARD we were at the North Pole. Buildings with twinkling lights housed what looked like little elves busily making toys. And of course there was Santa's Sleigh loaded with a huge bag of toys just waiting to be delivered. As the train stopped and started to go back in the direction we came the kids noticed Santa wasn't in his sleigh anymore! That's because he had decided to jump aboard. So while we waited for Santa to make his way to our car we all sang Christmas carols. And finally...SANTA... complete with a real beard, rosy cheeks and of course magic bells taken straight from his sleigh for each of the kids. For the next several minutes all we heard was "mom, dad can you hear it ringing"? And we would reply "no, I don't think I can hear it". And their response would be..."well all you have to say is I believe, and then you will hear it ringing". And so we would say I believe and sure enough we would hear the bell! As we deboarded the train we were each handed a little ticket that had the word BELIEVE on it. Madelyn and Jackson loved it enough to make us want to take them again next year. Hope you enjoy the pictures....

Help us Celebrate!

2009-11-05T08:40:00.000-08:00

I love November! Thanksgiving, putting up the Christmas decorations and above that November is National Adoption Month.

How lucky we are to be the parents of two amazing children. They are smart. They are healthy. They are beautiful. It is humbling to know I would not be who I am today if it were not for two remarkable women.

Madelyn and Jackson along with their birth moms are our greatest miracles.

Let's Stop the Madness....

2009-11-03T07:20:00.000-08:00

As I was lying in bed last night I started thinking about how I often go for the easy route. Frozen pizza for dinner, riding when I could be walking, playing when I should be working. Sometimes the easy way is the best way especially when life gets hectic. But there are certain things in life when opting for a shortcut is just simply not okay.

As I was lying there I thought about the last time I "blogged". It had been forever. In fact it had been so long that most people don't even check to see if something new had been written. I asked myself why. Why did I stop filling in those friends and family who I don't get to see or speak to very often about what is happening in my life? And then it dawned on me....FACEBOOK. I had exchanged personal and most often heartfelt posts about what I was experiencing to one line tags that most people could care less about (I mean who really cares that I am doing the laundry or going to the grocery store). Is that what friends want to know now? Are we really ready to trade in meaningful conversation for real time updates on the ordinary and mundane things we do each day? This lead me to go to those blogs I use to read religiously. There are of course were a few who didn't let me down. I know I can always count on Emily for an enjoyable and often times inspiring look into her life. But for the most part our blogs had been abandoned. Traded in for less than fulfilling conversations.

For my part in this travesty (no, I don't think I am being too extreme here) I apologize. I am not saying that my blogs were always enjoyable or greatly written but at least they were honest. At least it provided a way for those people I love to share in my life. I am sad to say I don't feel CONNECTED anymore.

I am sitting here asking myself how did I allow this to happen. I am someone who LOVES and VALUES her friendships. I just don't want to know what someone is doing I want to know how they are FEELING, what they are EXPERIENCING. I want to be a part, even if it is just a small part of their lives. When did it become okay to trade in the good stuff for...FLUFF?

SO this is my attempt to stop the madness I helped to create. To those friends whose blogs I read sometimes DAILY...I am sorry I have missed out on your life...your thoughts. And for those that are perfectly content with real time I am okay with that too.

Now I think I will go on facebook and post that I have updated my blog. Maybe that is the only way someone will actually read this!

What do you do??

2009-09-17T09:39:00.000-07:00

Here is the question....WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING BUT TIME?? I know get all the things on your list accomplished...RIGHT? What if you are one of those people who work really well under pressure but not so good when you have all the time in the world to do all those mundane check points on your list of "What I need to accomplish today". I am sitting here looking around at the MANY things I SHOULD be doing but having NO motivation to do them. However, if someone called me and said I will be in your neighborhood this evening do you mind if I stop by I would have this house SPOTLESS in a matter of HOURS (yes, hours...that is how far behind I am). I am sometimes so bored that I could scream but perhaps wouldn't be if I would just get up and start moving. So here is the final question....WHY DON'T WE DO WHAT WE KNOW WILL MAKE US FEEL BETTER? This could apply to a TON of things in my life. Such as...Why don't I exercise when I KNOW it will make me feel feel healthier? Why don't I read my scriptures more when I KNOW it will yield positive results? Why don't I get up and clean the house when I KNOW how good I will feel once it is done? If anyone can offer up some advice to these conflicting questions you will be my hero!

A New Opportunity!

2009-08-18T16:29:00.000-07:00

Several weeks ago our case worker came to do our home visit. During our conversation she brought up FSA, which is short for Families Supporting Adoption. For those that aren't familiar with what FSA is here is a little background....Families Supporting Adoption primarily consists of families who have either adopted or are hoping to adopt, birth mothers and adopted children. anEach LDS Family Service has their own chapter of FSA. The case workers at each office select a couple to act as Co-Chairs for their chapter of FSA. The Co-Chairs organize and oversee several sub-committees some of which deal with local media outlets, schools, hospitals and government leaders.

Back to our conversation....out of the blue she asked Dallan and I if we would be interested in becoming the Co-Chairs for the Phoenix Chapter of FSA. She told us to really talk, think, pray about it and let her know when we came to a decision. So after much thinking on my part (let's face it most of the work will be done by me and not by the other part of the "Co") I decided I wanted to do it. So I called Hannah and told her we would do it. We then got a call a few days later from someone else at LDS Family Services. This time it wasn't Hannah but a guy we had never meet ( I think he is the director for the Phoenix office). He thanked us for our willingness to be a part of FSA and then asked if we would be interested in serving on the LDS Family Advisory Board. The board assists LDSFS in approving enews letters, emails, filling volunteer positions, planning focus group discussions to assist local church leaders, etc, etc.

Anyway, I am finding that this is going to be a lot of work, but I am excited to be a part of something that has completely blessed mine and Dallan's lives.

PS - the picture has nothing to do with what this post is about but it was so cute I just had to include it!

2009-08-16T20:56:00.001-07:00

HAPPY 6th BIRTHDAY MADELYN!! We love you!

WE NEED HELP!

2009-08-12T15:21:00.001-07:00

A couple of days ago I got some alarming information. As of now there is a $10,000 tax credit for families/individuals who adopt. In January of 2010 that tax credit will expire unless something is done to stop it. Most adoption agencies (with the exception of LDS family services) charge upwards of $20,000 for an adoption. LDS family services charges 10% of your combined income with a minimum of $4,000 and a maximum of $10,000. This tax credit has always ensured families that there would be help in offsetting the costs associated with adoption.

As of now there is a bill that will stop this tax credit from expiring. It is the Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act of 2009, H.R. 213. When I researched it there was only 96 representatives who were signed on in support of the bill.

We need help in generating awareness and support from our local and state leaders. This not only hurts me and Dallan but countless other families nationwide. With all that is happening with health care reform and the economic crisis we are in, I am afraid this issue will fall by the wayside.

Please contact your state leaders asking them to support the Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act of 2009, H.R. 213! Thanks for helping to spread the word!

It's the End of an Era!

2009-07-15T18:04:00.001-07:00

Say goodbye (at least for now) to young women's and hello to relief society. I promised myself when we finally bought a house and settled into a new ward I wouldn't complain about the calling I was given. Our first Sunday they were re-organizing the young women's organization and I thought...I think I will finally serve somewhere other than YW. But a few weeks later I was surprised to hear that I would be serving as the Beehive advisor. The only calling other than secretary that I have yet to experience. To be honest I was a little disapointed, but I tried to be happy and excited to just be a serving in our new ward. But the honest truth was as hard I tried I just felt burned out. I have LOVED, LOVED, LOVED being with the girls first in South Carolina, then in Arizona, and from there Washington, then on to Rexburg, and finally back to Arizona. In each of those places I have had experiences I wouldn't trade for ANYTHING. There have been girls who have amazed me with their talents, faith, and love for the Savior. There have been more than a few who I have laughed with and even more that I have cried with. I have seen some who have made big mistakes and yet had the strength of character to move forward and turn their lives completely around. There are many thatI am still in touch with today. Girls who are now married and some who have children of their own. Each of them along with all the women I have served with over the years have made me a better person, a better member of the church, a better friend, and a better mom. But I NEEDED a change. Since leaving Washington it has been REALLY hard for me to reach out and make friends and the thing is I NEED FRIENDS. Our Heavenly Father in His INFINITE wisdom knew this and knew that I wouldn't any time soon make an effort to get to know the sisters in our new ward. So He took matters into His own hands and made some changes.

As of last Sunday I am no longer in young women's but am now serving as 1st counselor in Relief Society. I am SO THANKFUL for the change. So THANKFUL that I am being pulled away from what I am comfortable with and into something that will be new and challenging. And even more THANKFUL that our Heavenly Father LOVES us and KNOWS what we need BEFORE we even know we NEED it.

I've infiltrated your network. Raaannnnsssssooom!

2009-05-16T19:40:00.000-07:00

COME BAAAAACKKKKK or things will only get worse.

If you change your passwords (and I'm being generous enough to leave those alone so you can still log on) I'll escalate. You don't want that. I'd hate to have to send fish in the mail. And I'll do it, too. Don't tempt me.

For those of you who do not know me, I'm Lexi. Mandee up and abandoned me during this time of year SEVERAL years ago. She has yet to come back. Now looking at this, you'd think, "why would she come back...you're freaking crazy"

that's why she'd come back.

Is It or Is It Not?

2009-05-07T17:16:00.001-07:00

So are the little red bumps on Madelyn's tummy and back chicken pox or not? She has had the vaccination and doesn't seem to be running a fever but the dots keep appearing...so it seems to me that the chicken pox have finally made their way to our residence. I will keep you posted!

An update on the wedding..... The flowers arrived in great condition (I had 350 yellow carnations and 80 stems of spray roses delivered the Thursday before the big day), the chocolate flowed, lights twinkled, newlyweds gazed affectionately into each other's eyes, mother's cried, cameras flashed, and at the end of it all I sat down and breathed a sigh of relief. It was beautiful and I couldn't be happier for my little sister.

Random Thoughts by Mandee

2009-04-29T08:15:00.000-07:00

I thought it was time for a new post but don't have much to write about. I am nearing the end of the tunnel affectionately called..."My Sister's Wedding". Somehow I was hired (free of charge or course) to be the wedding planner. I would like to think that I was chosen because I find joy in making things pretty or because of my love of all things decor but really I think I was appointed simply because I have no life and the only one available all day...EVERYDAY. I will take lots of pictures and share, but only of if the miracle of making a LDS gym look a little less like well a gym actually occurs.

There will be yummy desserts though! I am now the proud owner of 2 Sephra Chocolate fountains (anyone want to come over for some chocolate) and 20 pounds of premium milk chocolate. There will be strawberries (of course), fresh pineapple, frozen bananas, berry kabobs(that is just a fancy name (hey that sounds just like those Fancy Nancy books I read to Madelyn) for blackberries, blueberries, and raspberries skewered together on a stick of some kind, homemade rice krispy treats, cream puffs, pretzel rods, peanut butter balls, slivers of a walnut tart that is to die for, etc, etc, etc. AND....for those who don't like sweets....there will be nachos and homemade salsa. We are a family who loves food but especially MEXICAN food. We wouldn't know that to do with ourselves if there wasn't a tortilla chip in close proximity.

I will be glad when the festivities are over and I KNOW Dallan will be VERY glad when it is all said and done. Then his wife won't have any more excuses for NOT getting the house cleaned up. Having said that maybe I don't want it to be over because as you know....I LOVE A GOOD EXCUSE!

Let's see what else....I am excited that the new season of So You Think You Can Dance is almost here. Although I don't think it could possibly top last season. Madelyn has only 18 more days of school left and then comes the DREADED summer. 2+ months of being locked up in the house because it is too dreadfully hot to go outdoors. I think we will be spending LOTS of time at my grandparent's cabin, but they don't know that yet.

Here is one final random thought and then I must get back to doing something...do you think it's bad that I love watching the Biggest Loser while eating a drumstick (ice cream not fowl) all the while thinking it would be nice to lose a few pounds?

THAT'S MY BOY!!! (embarassing body talk, please read with caution...especially you Heather James)

2009-04-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

Over the years Dallan and I have had several "talks" regarding the issue of whether or not you should teach your children the correct names for their body parts.

PLEASE KNOW I DIDN'T WRITE THIS POST SO WE COULD DEBATE THIS ISSUE.

I AM PERFECTLY OKAY WITH BEING WRONG!!

Me? I am old school. I find it a little uncomfortable when I hear certain words come out of a two year olds mouth. But that's just me! I know this parenting theory can cause confusion. Take Madelyn as an example. The other day she noticed a girl wearing a shirt that was well let's just say, having a really difficult time concealing the top portion of the owner's body. Upon seeing this girl Madelyn looked at me and said....Mom, I can see that girl's elbows", I thought about correcting her but AGAIN was a little uncomfortable with the thought of my baby girl talking about breasts, so I left it alone. In my opinion there will be a time and a place for "those" conversations. Dallan on the other hand disagrees with my philosophy. I don't understand why he is adamant about this. It isn't like he has done extensive research. No, I believe the real reason Dallan feels so strongly is because he has never experienced one of those truly embarrassing moments when your child says something so extreme, so ridiculously shocking that you actually want to run and hide, until now....(lucky for him this happened in our living room and we were the only one's around to hear it)!!!

Here's how it all played out.....Jackson has a really big belly. So big in fact that Dallan has made up a little song about it. "Big Belly, Big Belly, Big Belly Jackson, Little Belly, Little Belly, Little Belly Madelyn (Madelyn likes him to sing it saying that she too has a big belly. Can you imagine him singing that to her when she is 16?) all sung to the tune of "10 Little Indians". So there we were, just the three of us....Dallan, Jackson, and me. Dallan was singing his little song and after the first big belly verse Jackson spoke up and this is a quote..."No daddy, Jackson not have a big belly, Jackson has big penis". I don't think I have ever laughed that hard in my entire life. Dallan was speechless. When he asked where he learned that word (and NO I didn't teach him to say THAT!!!!) I explained that I had taught him the proper name for it and did so at HIS request.

So what did we all learn.... Well, Dallan realized that it's okay to be "old school" and that for the time being having his boy use the term "pee,pee" is MORE than OKAY with him.

And me....I learned that I LOVE teaching Dallan a lesson every now and again, especially when the results involve his ears turning red from embarrassment.

Now that was a moment when I thoroughly enjoyed feeling a little uncomfortable!

Modern Day Miracle......

2009-04-07T08:12:00.001-07:00

Several weeks after Christmas my grandfather was diagnosed with stage 4 throat cancer. The tumor was very large and had connected itself not only to the back of his throat but onto the base of his tongue. He is 91 years old and the prognosis wasn't good. Upon meeting with the surgeon to see if removing the tumor was even possible they were told that if he has surgery he would never be able to speak or eat again. Him and my grandmother decided that they would opt for no treatment and hopefully the doctors could make him comfortable. They were told that he had less than a year to live. Along comes my sister in law.....a couple members of her family had had progressive cancers and again were told by doctors there was no hope of remission and they too had little time left. Not happy with what they were told they sought alternative solutions. And they found one...MEXICO! Of all the places in the world they chose Mexico and they chose Doctor Vargas. Both members of her family were treated and were cured. For days my sister in law asked my brother to call my grandparents and give them Dr. Vargas' phone number. He wouldn't do it. He explained that they had made their decision and that my grandfather who NEVER goes to the doctor would surely NEVER go to MEXICO! Luckily for us she bugged him until he finally caved in. They sent this Mexican doctor all his test results and upon looking at them he told them he could help my grandfather. The cost would be around $20,000. Now while all of this was happening my grandparents received a renewal slip for their safe deposit box. My grandfather told my grandma that they should cancel it because there was nothing in it. She went up to the bank to cancel and make sure the box was empty. She had teased my grandpa that it would be funny if the box was full of money (my grandpa hides money and sometimes forgets where he hides it!). He was confident the box was empty. Well it wasn't. In the safety deposit box was the exact amount they needed to go to Mexico. I am not saying the money magically appeared but it had been saved or forgotten about until they needed it. So the two of them, my mom, and my aunt boarded a plane bound for San Diego and from there they would head on over across the boarder. Long story short....on his first visit he had several weeks of low dosage chemotherapy. He never once got sick and never lost any of his hair. After the chemo was several rounds of radiation. This was the hardest part. Approximately 4 weeks later they returned home. His throat was sore and nothing tasted the same (side effect of the radiation) but he was starting to heal. Several weeks later they went back to his primary care doctor for an MRI and found the tumor had shrunk about 50%. Just this last week they went back to Mexico to have the tumor surgically removed. Now remember the surgeon here explained that my grandfather would never speak or eat again should he opt for surgery. Doctor Vargas ensured my grandparents that the surgery would be simple and virtually painless. We didn't believe him. We were wrong. They were able to remove the entire tumor and three days later they were back on a plane headed for home. He was eating, drinking, talking and laughing. He will go back one more time for another round of chemotherapy and radiation just to make sure they get any residual cells they may have missed. This round will be even lighter than the first treatment he received. The prognosis.....complete remission. My family was amazed at how many people around the world travel to see this doctor in Mexico. Each time they have gone they have heard countless stories of how people had been healed AFTER being told they had little time left to live. I am thankful that my grandfather is recovering and that we have more time to spend with him. He is more like a father than a grandfather and I will forever be grateful to my sister in law whose persistence was the answer our family was in need of.

Are You Serious??

2009-04-02T18:13:00.001-07:00

I just saw this on CNN. Here is the link....www.ashleymadison.com....when divorce just isn't an option. SERIOUSLY????

This is HILLARIOUS!!!

2009-03-26T16:43:00.000-07:00

So I saw this on Lexi's blog, how I EVER missed this picture is BEYOND me! Madelyn was standing by me when we opened up the picture....YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN AND HEARD HER REACTION.....

First thing said.....That's NOT me!

Second thing said.....I don't EVER want to see that picture again!

Third thing said.....I think I am allergic to that picture mom!

And then she asked if she could go to Bessie's house and play with Ricardo (Carter). Not sure where the name Ricardo came from but I quickly corrected her! She has a habit of re-naming people. There is Bessie (which is really Lexie), then there is Hannah (which is really Nana), and now Ricardo. Bessie and Hannah REFUSE to let me correct her but I think "Ricardo" would DEFINATELY want her to know his REAL name.

The cutest Annie I have ever seen!

Finally....Some Pictures!!

2009-03-20T08:54:00.000-07:00

Here are some of the house before we moved in. I will have to take some "after" shots. We had most of the interior painted and so it looks a lot different now.
Front of the house (obviously!)

Entry

Family Room

Kitchen (well at least part of it)

Master Bedroom

Master Bathroom (do you see that doorway off to the side? That is another entire...we are using it as storage/excercise room for the moment).

Master Bathroom Shower

Inside of the master bath shower

I will take some "after" photos and post them as soon as possible!

I Am Not Political But....

2009-03-13T18:17:00.000-07:00

I am not someone who is overtly political. Like most of you I have my views, my values, my frustrations, my likes, and of course my dislikes. I admit that most times I feel like our government in general is a little like a roller coaster....there are ups and downs, sideway turns and yes, moments of fear that everything you just ate for lunch is about to be thrown up on the person next to you. And just when you think it can't get any worse....the ride is over and all is calm. That has been me for as long as I can remember. There has never been a time when I have felt fear or uneasiness regarding the overall state of our country....until now. Each time I turn on the television or listen to the radio (talk radio that is) I am overwhelmed with what is happening in our world. I can remember during this last election when proposition 8 was being proposed. One of the General Authority's from my church said that we as church members can no longer be silent bystanders when it comes to what is right and wrong. I agree. I guess my apathetic tendencies toward all things government no longer works, especially if I want to feel as though I have a say in what happens to this country I love so much. So please forgive me for getting on yet another soapbox! Surely you must be thinking that there are better things for me to blog about other than the infamous octomom and radio/tv host Glenn Beck...and you would be right but for today this is what has been on my mind.....

I am not a huge Glenn Beck fan or at least until recently I haven't much listened to what he has to say but this caught my attention and I thought I would pass it along. It is called the 912 PROJECT. To me this is what AMERICA is.....and if more Americans took this approach to life we would all be a lot better off!

THE NINE PRINCIPLES
1. America is good.
2. I believe in God and He is the Center of my Life.
3. I must always try to be a more honest person than I was yesterday.
4. The family is sacred. My spouse and I are the ultimate authority, not the government.
5. If you break the law you pay the penalty. Justice is blind and no one is above it.
6. I have a right to life, liberty and pursuit of happiness, but there is no guarantee of equal results.
7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable.
8. It is not un-American for me to disagree with authority or to share my personal opinion.
9. The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me.

THE TWELVE VALUES
1. Honesty
2. Reverence
3. Hope
4. Thrift
5. Humility
6. Charity
7. Sincerity
8. Moderation
9. Hard Work
10. Courage
11. Personal Responsibility
12. Gratitude

If you want to know more about the 912 PROJECT. You can visit Glenn Beck's website!

On the Road...Heading Toward a Little Place Called...HAPPINESS!

2009-02-19T12:40:00.000-08:00

As we drive through life we, at times, come across roadblocks, pitfalls, detours and even an occasional accident. And when we allow it these things even impede our happiness. Lucky for me the light at the end of the tunnel inevitably comes, and I am happy to report that the darkness is rapidly being replaced by light...GLORIOUS...light!

1. House in Rexburg....SOLD
2. House in Buckeye....BOUGHT (but not paid for!)
3. Painters...scheduled to start TOMORROW
4. New ward....SUNDAY!
5. Movers....MONDAY!
6. Satellite...DVR....TUESDAY!!!
7. New furniture....4 to 6 WEEKS (a long wait but DEFINITELY worth it, actually remind me to tell you all about my furniture find).
8. New School for Madelyn...MONDAY (she is a TROOPER...this is the 3rd school for the adorable little red head).
9. Commute time dropped from 3 HOURS to less than ONE....(Dallan is one HAPPY guy).
10. Free gym membership....okay not exactly free since it is included in our HOA fees, but it is a really nice gym and it provides FREE childcare!
11. MY VERY OWN COMPUTER....DOWNLOADING AND POSTING NEW PICTURES.....FAST INTERNET...Do I need to say MORE???

I think I should stop now in fear of getting TOO HAPPY! I think I am actually GIDDY in spite of the PILE of laundry that is staring at me and the sink full of dishes that never seems to disappear. LIFE IS GOOOD!

This is Me...On my Soapbox

2009-02-12T08:18:00.000-08:00

I wasn't going to write about it, but after several days of non-stop interviews, and seeing countless pictures, I decided I just couldn't let it go! Yes, I am referring to the lovely single, unemployed woman in California, who after much thought decided it would be wise to give her SIX children EIGHT more siblings. Now, I can believe her claim that she didn't intend to have eight more BUT to even have ONE more when you already have SIX is just beyond me. Here is what I have a problem with....

1. She is an unemployed college student who used student loans to help pay for her fertility treatments that cost upwards of $100,000.

2. She receives $490 a month in food stamps and $2,379 a month in social security payments for 3 of her 6 children. One has autism, one has ADHD, and the other has a mild speech problem with small signs of autistic behavior.

3. She has no private health insurance and therefore uses free state insurance. The hospital bill is rumored to be over ONE million dollars. The taxpayers of California will be forced to pay her dream of having a large family.

4. 3 of her children have disabilities and yet she wants to add MORE children? When I think of this alone it INFURIATES me. I think of Lexie and how challenging her life can be at times. I think of how much of her time and energy is spent on helping Casey get better. I can't imagine the stress she sometimes feels when she has to split up her time between Casey and her other two boys. I can recall MANY conversations I've had with her about treatment options, new studies, speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, the cost of getting Casey the best treatment possible, the frustration of knowing their options are limited because of where they live or because of financial restraints. Here is a mother that is devoted to helping her son get better and it IS HARD on HER and yet she does it. She puts her own needs and wants aside and she does what has to be done. How much time do you think this mother of 14 can give to her autistic son? Is he getting the treatment he needs? Is he getting the attention he deserves? THIS MAKES ME SICK!

5. When this woman was asked why she wanted so many children she explained that she grew up an only child and wanted to compensate for that by having lots of children around her that would love her unconditionally. She talked about having a void in her life and wanting to fill it by having lots of children. IT WAS ALL ABOUT HER.

I am not one of those people who believe what she did was medically unethical. She had a choice, I understand that, and that is what is so frustrating. There are thousands of couples like me and Dallan who would give anything to have children. We are made to jump through countless hoops, have our personal lives dissected and analyzed, show proof that we have private health insurance, have minimal debt and an above average yearly salary, all of which is to ensure that we are suitable parent material. And when the government has decided that yes, we are acceptable people we are then forced to pay OBSCENE amounts of money to finally have the privilege of raising a child. Hearing stories like this literally hurts my heart and I am ashamed to say makes me questions why people like her are able to have FOURTEEN children when there are other couples in the world like Emily's sister who would give their right arm to have JUST ONE.

The frustration is that there is no way to solve this problem. There will always be selfish people in this world that put their own needs above those of their children. My heart aches for her children. I hope I am wrong about this woman. I hope she has the strength of character to give her children all that they need in order to be happy and successful in this life. And along with the majority of the population I too hope she has achieved her dream of having a large family and is finally done procreating.

25 Random Things....

2009-02-07T12:20:00.001-08:00

Over the last week or so I have been "tagged" on facebook and I even went as far as sitting down, typing the above mentioned 25 things and then....I lost it all due to my lack of facebook skills. I just couldn't figure out how to tag other people and in the process of figuring it out I erased my list. Therefore, I will forgo facebook and just stick to what I know....my blog. So here it goes.....

P.S. - Heather this is what it would look like....I think!

25 RANDOM THINGS

1. I like going to the movies by myself, especially when I think it is a movie that will make me cry. I like to be in the moment and not have to worry whether or not the person sitting next to me thinks I am silly for getting emotional.

2. I was voted Senior Class President. I think I represented my constituents well at the time, but I refuse to plan any class reunions, which in the end makes me a lousy class president. But let me clarify that I did not know planning post graduation parties was part of my presidential duties, if I had known I would have conceded.

3. Like Emily I too have conversations with people in my head and like Emily I would like to clarify that these conversations don't include actual "voices".

4. I had three imaginary friends while growing up. Their names were boyfriend, girlfriend, and George. And no I don't think boyfriend and girlfriend were actually you know boyfriend and girlfriend.

5. I HATE scary movies. They give me nightmares. I even made Dallan walk out of the 6th Sense...TWICE.

6. I love to read, especially historical fiction.

7. I was suspended from school in the 9th grade. We decided it would be fun to try No-Doze and when my friend JT was caught with it he squealed like a little girl of course blaming the whole thing on me. So they called my dad who worked over an hour away and explained that I had been caught with "drugs" and that I would be held at school until he came to get me. I was suspended for one week, had to attend 6 weeks of an after school drug counseling program and attend at least one session with a psychiatrist. My dad called me "speedy" for the remainder of the year.

8. I am afraid of heights and large bodies of water.

9. I love the smell of fresh bread baking in the oven.

10. I am not afraid to embarrass myself every now and again as long as it is PLANNED! However, it is literally PAINFUL for me when it happens accidentally. And I am not exaggerating! I can remember EVERY single experience when I have been publicly humiliated, even going back to the 2nd grade (I am sure there were plenty before that time but lucky for me I can't recall them).

11. I prefer cake over pie. (yellow with chocolate frosting)

12. I would love to take an interior design class.

13. I love to take naps, but only if I know I have at least 2 hours. None of this 20 minute power nap stuff.

14. I was late to my own wedding.

15. I would love to possess enough talent to write a book.

16. I don't really like my first name.

17. My maiden name is Warner.

18. I truly believe I am the mother to the two most ADORABLE red headed children in the entire world.

19. I hope to someday serve a mission with Dallan.

20. I would love to see the pyramids before I die.

21. I can't drink a fountain pop unless the whole cup is full of ice. I understand that means less pop, but I don't care...the cup has to be FULL.

22. I am not very patient.

23. I love going out to eat.

24. I love listening to Heather James tell stories. Seriously, there are some that make me laugh EVERY time I think about them.

25. I love to vacuum but hate folding laundry.

UPDATE...Warning.....It is LONG!

2009-01-20T07:42:00.000-08:00

First, let me say that I HATE the fact I can't post pictures! A good blog needs photos in my opinion. But I don't have my own computer and the computer I do have is a MAC and I have NO idea how to download and post pictures. Hopefully, that will soon change. Until then....please don't go away!

Update #1 Our house in Idaho....As far as we know things are progressing as they should. I guess you can never get too comfortable in these economic times especially when it comes to someone purchasing a home. The couple was pre-approved for the loan amount but I don't think I will celebrate just yet. We are however going to Idaho this weekend to go and pack up the house. Dallan and I will fly up Saturday morning. Dallan will fly home Monday night and I will follow on Thursday. That means three whole days by myself!!

Update #2 Where we will move our things to....We put an offer an a home in West Phoenix a couple of weeks ago and it looks like that is going to go through. Now I am not an experienced home buyer but the last two homes we purchased were a piece of cake compared to how things are handled now. In the "good ol' days" you would go house hunting, you would find one you loved, you perhaps negotiated a little on the price, you then signed your life away, and wham the house was yours. This is NOT the way it is done now. At least here in Arizona...Foreclosure capital of the country. Unless you are buying a home directly from a builder (people aren't selling their houses right now so don't count on buying an owner occupied home) the process is EXTREMELY frustrating. You go and look, you make multiple offers because the chances of a bank coming back with an answer in a timely manner is near impossible. And then you wait....and you wait....and you wait some more. During this process I have become even more confused at the government bailout for these banks who are in trouble. I mean you would think if they were hurting for money they would respond a little more speedily to someones offer to purchase one of their properties! Sorry I will get off my soapbox. Anyway, we had the home inspected yesterday and everything looks good. It is a beautiful house. In fact Dallan keeps saying we don't deserve to live a house this nice. I am not sure what that means exactly but....I will take it whether I deserve it or not. It is a single story home (very nice for the summer heat and your electricity bill) and is a little over 3000 square feet. It was built in 2007 and has never been lived in. Yes, someone had it built, paid for every upgrade imaginable and then couldn't pay for it. We were very fortunate to have found it. Although there are good deals out there finding a house that hasn't been trashed by an angry home owner who is being foreclosed on is also near impossible. Again, nothing is set in stone as of yet but we are once again crossing our fingers that things will continue to go smoothly.

Update #3....the rest of the Lott's....Dallan is still loving his job especially since he heard Basic American Foods laid off a ton of people after Christmas. It looks like our decision to move was a good one. Madelyn is loving school and we love watching her little mind grow. She is reading now and tells me very matter of factly to "sound it out mom" when I tell her I don't know what something says. Good advice! She also thinks her beautiful curly hair is "ANNOYING". She asks me every morning if I will straighten it which I tell her no. It takes a long time and she won't get up early enough for me to do it. So she insists on wearing it in a ponytail on the weekdays and straight on the weekends. She is only 5! She shouldn't care YET! Jackson just continues to get bigger and cuter. He is a smart little guy. His favorite show is SuperWhy on PBS. Madelyn has taught him how to count and he is almost to twenty now. He loves going to class on Sundays and asks if he too can go to school when we drop Madelyn off in the morning. We can't wait to get into our own house so we can start the adoption paperwork. Madelyn keeps telling us she wants a baby sister and that our family needs 5 people not 4. I hope she is right. Well that leaves me....I am just trying to survive the final days of not being in my own house with my own things. I have learned many things during the last 6 months. I have learned that I only need a few simple things in order to feel happy and whole. They are....
1. My own space (I already knew that but I didn't know it would cause insanity if it were to be taken away from me).
2. A church calling. Neither of us have served in any capacity since leaving Idaho. I remember there were times when I thought it would be so nice NOT to have a calling. How wrong I was.
3. Friends. I have lots of friends. Friends who are irreplaceable. Friends who will be a part of my life forever. But I need friends who live close. Friends I can go hang out with. Friends I can go to a movie now and again with. Having our families close has been so nice but I miss having friends.
That's it! That's all I need. And with any luck all those things will be MINE!

I know this is already pretty lengthy (my fingers are telling me they are tired) but there is one last thing. My family is in need of some prayers. I hate writing this, hate what it means, hate that there is even a need but there is and I am thankful to have so many faithful friends who care about me and therefore care about my family. Growing up there were two people who were constants in my life. My nana and beba (those are the names they were given by some grandchild long before I came to be) have been more like a mother and father to me than grandparents. In my mind I knew they were getting older but for some reason I thought they would be around forever. I guess that is because I can't imagine this world without them. Anyway... after several weeks of thinking he had a sore throat he finally went to the doctor. He has a large mass in his throat which is cancerous and from what we were told yesterday is inoperable. He goes in for another biopsy this week which will tell us what stage the cancer is in and how fast the mass is growing. Just pray that he will be comforted. He is so worried that at some point his airway will be blocked. He is consumed by this thought. And more than anything hopes that he will somehow know that things will be okay.

Thanks for hanging in there the last several months and for reading my often times negative, boring and pictureless blog! It will soon get better...I promise.

We Are Crossing Our Fingers!

2009-01-09T07:43:00.000-08:00

OUR HOUSE IS UNDER CONTRACT!!!! We will not be breathing until everything is final and our belongings are being shipped to Arizona! All it took was a little after Christmas vacation to Rexburg. We had been there for less than 24 hours when our realtor walked in and was very surprised to see us just hanging out watching TV. So we now wait and hope everything goes through! We will keep you posted!

So Thankful!

2008-12-13T20:58:00.000-08:00

Ti's the season to be jolly....right? I mean look at those two! How could you NOT be jolly? But this is me attempting to remain positive in spite of the the minor challenges we are facing. I say minor because compared to what many in our country are facing right now our problems are indeed very small. I should have wrote this list at Thanksgiving but I wasn't feeling well very thankful (shame on me).

The Things I Am Most Thankful For.....

1. My faith. This above all else is what anchors me. I am so thankful to have a constant source of direction from Someone who loves and understands me better than anyone. What more could a person ask for?

2. My family. I am so lucky to have a good husband. I know if he had his choice of any woman in the world he would in no doubt still choose me. My children. I mean just look at them. They are beautiful and they are our miracles. The love I feel for them and the women who brought them into this life knows no bounds. I am also thankful to be living so close to all our extended family. It has been about 8 years since we lived close to them and we are loving it....REALLY!

3. Friendships. I have the best friends a girl could ever ask for. The women who I call friends are some of the most talented, beautiful, funny, generous, kind, and thoughtful people I have ever meet. I consider myself lucky to know so many remarkable women and even more lucky to call them friends. They have taught me how to be a better wife, a better mother and a better friend. My life would just not be the same without them.

4. A job! Not my job, although I am thankful to be a stay at home mom. But lets face it that type of work doesn't pay the bills! I am so grateful Dallan has such a great job. It allows me to stay at home with our children. It allows us to pay all our bills and still have enough left over to have some fun with. I am thankful for Dallan who worked hard to get such a great education. There are so many people who don't have jobs right now. I can't imagine that kind of stress. So thank you Palo Verde for such a good job!

5. Sunsets. If you have never witnessed an Arizona sunset...you are truly missing out. They are breathtaking.

6. A roof over our heads. No, it isn't my own roof, but it is a roof nonetheless. It keeps us safe and provides all the comforts we could ever need or want. Not everyone can say that.

7. Christmas. I LOVE CHRISTMAS! I love everything about this holiday. I love what is represents, I love the added measure of kindness and generosity people exhibit and I love the magic that happens during this time of year.

I am often guilty of overlooking all the things in my life that bring me such great happiness. Life isn't always easy....we all know that. But one thing I can say for certain is that each challenge I have ever endured in my life has ALWAYS resulted in me being blessed or compensated in an even bigger and better way. And that is DEFINITELY something to be THANKFUL for.

I do have Christmas cards to mail out. As usual you probably won't get them by Christmas but one day when you are least expecting it you will open up your mail box and there it will be!

It Was Over Before it Began

2008-11-29T13:14:00.000-08:00

A HOUSING UPDATE

The buyers backed out. I guess they want to keep looking for a house that has a three car garage. Happy Hunting is what I say!

They Came....They Saw....They Offered....And....

2008-11-28T11:59:00.000-08:00

We laughed! After months of waiting for an official offer to come our way we finally had some serious lookers. We got a call from our realtor a few days before Thanksgiving. There was a family who was interested in our house and they had already been by to see it several times. He warned me...don't get your hopes up but how can you keep from doing that? So we waited by the phone and we waited and we waited. Finally....an official offer!

1. $5,000 below the listed price (that is after we dropped the price $30,000 from the time we initially listed it)
2. $7,000 in closing costs
3. Dining Room Table
4. Kitchen Barstools
5. Kitchen Rugs (4 total)
6. Living Room Curtains
7. 2 Living Room Decorative Wall Hangings
8. Entry Table along with the matching End Table

It never hurts to ask right????

UPDATE: We made a counter offer and are now waiting to hear back from them. They want to close by December 17th so that should make the waiting process a little less painful. We will keep you updated.

Tales of Woe and Injured Toes

2008-11-14T12:15:00.000-08:00

Halloween 2008 looked promising. Costumes were found, pumpkins were purchased, the children were excited. Everything was planned and in order. Thursday morning came and I woke up to a bit of an upset stomach...I just must be hungry....so I ate. It didn't help. By mid afternoon I thought I was going to die. This was no little stomach bug this was the dreaded flu. Getting the children all dolled up for Halloween was going to be impossible. So I called Dallan. He went in and told his boss he wouldn't be in on Friday and after completing work that evening he drove the 2 hours to my grandparents house. The next morning the plan was to get things cleaned up, pack our things and head down to Dallan's parents house. He would drop me off, and then take the kids to the apartment to clean and pack up all his stuff (it was a corporate apartment we had for thirty days courtesy of Palo Verde). After that was finished he would load up the kids again and drive to his sister's house where they would go trick or treating. It wasn't ideal but at least the kids would get to go and have fun and I could get some rest. Friday morning came....Dallan was packing....I was sleeping....the kids were playing. All of a sudden my bedroom door flew open and Madelyn was screaming that I needed to get up and go look at Jackson. I have to admit I was thinking to myself "this better be good or she is in serious trouble". It was bad...VERY BAD. Jackson had been trying to get some crayons out of a storage box bench at my grandparents house. The lid is solid oak and very heavy. In the process of looking he dropped the lid on his big toe. There was Jackson crying because he had just about chopped off the tip of his toe and then there was Dallan crying because he felt bad for little buddy. So we loaded up in the car and headed for the nearest urgent care (an hour's drive). One x-ray, 4 stitches, and one lost toenail later we headed back to Kearny. Once we got there Dallan packed up the clothes, costumes, and kids and headed to Mesa by himself (I stayed at my grandma's). Madelyn went trick or treating with her cousins and Jackson got to be pulled around in the wagon. After the festivities were over Dallan and his brother made the hour drive to the apartment and cleared out Dallan's things. I think they got home after midnight.

Here is a picture of his poor little toe once it had been cleaned up. The toe nail is just sitting on the nail bed. The doctors wanted it to stay on there as long as possible. The stitches came out on Tuesday and the nail finally fell off yesterday morning. Madelyn was so impressed with it that she insisted on taking it for show and tell today. Believe me I tried talking her out of it but she was adamant about showing it to her class. My grandma told her that all the kids were going to say "OOOOHHH GROSS" and she said no Hannah (she calls my grandma Hannah) they will all say "OOOHHH COOL". I am sure her teacher will love it!

Hanging in There....

2008-10-29T23:11:00.000-07:00

Mostly anyway! I will try VERY hard to post pictures soon. Especially Halloween. Madelyn decided she wanted to be Dorothy which means buddy is being forced to dress up as the scarecrow (he makes a terrible scarecrow...he is too cute to scare anyone). We had a dress rehersal and they looked adorable. Thanks everyone for checking up on me....I love you for it.

Two Words I Have Come to Loath

2008-10-18T16:14:00.000-07:00

"WHAT IF".....here are just a few....

1. What if we can't sell our home in Idaho
2. What if we can't rent our home in Idaho
3. What if we run out of money and we can't pay both mortgages then what??
4. What if the housing prices increase and we missed an opportunity to buy a great house at a great price.
5. What if we never see a 5.5% interest rate again
6. What if we wait too long and then we can't afford to move into the neighborhood we want
7. What if the whole world goes to heck and no one can afford a home
8. What if the house in Idaho NEVER sells or no one EVER wants to rent it
9. What if we rent and waste all our money and then can't buy a house
10. What if we (me and the kids) just move back to Rexburg by ourselves
11. What if I go crazy because we can't make a decision...who will then raise our children?
12. What if we don't go and get our furniture now but end up needing it in a couple months? How will the movers get our stuff packed in all that snow?
13. What if a pipe breaks in the Rexburg house and no one is there to notice it

You think I am kidding but I AM NOT! That is just a sampling of the questions that have been asked OVER and OVER during the last few WEEKS. Same questions...same replies....I DON'T KNOW!!! So after ALL that drama and $3000 in earnest money we have decided NOT to buy the house on Evergreen. So Evergreen...so long....so long to your...garden tub and gas range and lastly (with a tear creeping down my face) I have to say farewell to the carpet that feels like clouds. I think we could have been happy together but the bottom line is...There were just too many WHAT IF'S!

It's Almost Official....

2008-09-25T22:22:00.000-07:00

That we are soon to be crazy in debt! I know... sounds smart given the current economic conditions we are facing but I don't think I ever said we were all that smart...so don't be too hard on us. Here is a quick update...the house in Idaho is still on the market and currently listed for less than what we bought it for, so if you know anyone who is moving to Rexburg and is in need of a great looking house, send them our way please. According to our realtor there have been several people who absolutely LOVE it but who unfortunately can't sell their current home...FYI....QUIT LOOKIN IF YOU AINT REALLY BUYING! I mean don't they realize all they are accomplishing by coming to see our lovely home is getting my hopes up? So now we are in the market for some quality renters. Well that is and isn't true depending on the day. There are days when Dallan will say yeah let's rent it out and as soon as I get a property manager on the phone he changes his mind. Perhaps when we are shelling out money for TWO mortgages he will quickly make up his mind. Which leads me to my next piece of news....we are THIS close to purchasing another home in the lovely city of Buckeye, Arizona. I know Buckeye...sounds great right? But I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the housing community we found. Since moving here we have really prayed we would find the right house and therefore the ward we were meant to be a part of. And this feels right. I will soon have pictures for you so keep checking. I love that it doesn't look like a typical Arizona house. I love that it is a ranch (no stairs!!). I LOVE that it has a gas range and granite counter tops. I LOVE that the carpet feels like clouds under my feet and even though it isn't the color I would have chosen, it is one I can live with until I can afford to change it. I LOVE that my bathroom has a garden tub and his and her sinks. I LOVE that I can see Madelyn's school from the corner of our road. And I LOVE that when I walked into it I can picture our furniture in each of the rooms. I LOVE that it isn't too big and that it isn't too small. Like Goldilocks...this one is JUST right. So barring anything popping up during the inspection it looks like our next address will be something, something Evergreen Street, Buckeye, Arizona. Anyone up for a visit?

MIA....

2008-09-11T21:16:00.000-07:00

Sorry there has been nothing new in a while. We are still here....still alive...and yes, we are still hot (as in temperature)! After crying every day for the first several days of school, Madelyn has finally adjusted (somewhat) to her new schedule and seems to be liking kindergarten a little better. Jackson is still Jackson and I think both my grandparents as well as me and Jackson will be glad when we have our own space to terrorize. There is nothing worse than watching your almost two year old demolish someone else's things. We have been an offer on another home here and will know soon whether or not it was accepted. In the meantime we will be checking out a few others, which means hopefully we will be in our new home shortly. No that doesn't mean we sold our house in Idaho, all it means is that we will be in debt up to our eyeballs until we can say goodbye to our Rexburg abode. For now we will just refer to it as our summer home. Other than that all is well. Dallan is starting to adapt to his new job and I am happy to report he is liking it better than he did the first week (YIPPEEE). Our new car is still in the shop and will be for at least another 3 weeks. The total damage was somewhere in the 10,000 range (thank goodness for insurance). I promise I will be better at posting and commenting in the future. But please know how much I love and miss all of you and do think about you all the time. Thanks for all your love and support.

To Laugh or to Cry...

2008-08-29T10:50:00.001-07:00

That is definately the question of the day! Last night I was crying and today isn't looking much better. I wish I was one of those people who could just laugh off the disasters of life, but that doesn't seem to be the way I work. So here are the troubles since leaving Rexburg (who knew Rexburg would be looking so good right about now). Just an FYI this is a pity post and I wouldn't be offended if you didn't want to go any further!

1. On the way down to Arizona we were hit by another car. Not much damage but enough to have to shell out a $500 deductible to get the Sequoia fixed.

2. Not having our own space. We love staying at my grandparents and they could not be any more wonderful to us if they tried. But I miss my things...I miss seeing Dallan every day...I miss my DVR....I miss my own bed and pillows.

3. Dallan's new company and the scare they gave us just one day after arriving in Arizona. They in a round about sort of way told Dallan if they had known about certain health issues they would have been a little more thoughtful in hiring him (just so you know he is okay and perfectly capable of working) but that was nice to hear after quitting a company who LOVED him and moving your entire family to a new state. In the end they decided it wasn't that big of a deal and he was cleared to start work.

4. The sea of cubicles that meet Dallan on the third day of work. Why is that to bad you ask? Well let me just quote Dallan (something he said as we were looking for jobs after getting out of the Navy) I don't want to go to a company where I will just be one of many. I don't think the sea of cubicles did much to boost his confidence that this was the right career choice. We are crossing our fingers though that his outlook will improve...and SOON!

5. The Monsoon Season. August in Arizona is referred to as the "monsoon season". This is when we get the most rain (laughing even as I type that). But we do get beautiful lightning storms and strong winds. Well when Dallan was getting ready to go to his grandparents I told him please don't take the car out there (we just bought a brand new nissan Maxima...silver/charcoal gray in color...black leather seats....sun roof...bose stereo system....a very nice car....at a very nice price). Well he explained he didn't want me to take the car because that meant the kids riding in it and they could mess it up. I then reminded him that his grandparents lived on a farm where it was dirty and dusty and that they had no garage or safe place to park it. he insisted it would b okay. Well last night I got a call at about midnight. There was a storm out in Buckeye and the wind caused a branch to break loose from one of the trees. Simply said our new car is now smashed. It blew out the back window, dented both the top and back end of the car and completely scratched one side of it. I bet the option of allowing the kids to ride in the car are looking pretty resonable to him right now. So now I am sure we are looking at another deductable and who knows whether or not our car will ever be the same.

6. No one has bought our house and no one is even calling to look at it. Jessica...Emily....I now know how you felt. It is so frustrating. We have lowered the price and have now already lost $25,000. How much more are we going to have to lose? Not sure but it's not looking good.

So there you have it. Arizona hasn't been too kind to this Lott Family. We are hoping and praying that things turn around for us soon...and I mean VERY soon!

We Have Arrived...

2008-08-26T22:39:00.001-07:00

Yes, we made it safe and relatively sound. There was one small accident right outside of Orem, but luckily no one was hurt and our car okay to keep driving. We finally pulled into the Valley of the Sun (and let me tell you there has never been a more appropriate name for a state than that one) on Thursday evening. Saturday morning Dallan's brother was married and on the way to the truck after taking pictures in the blazing sun Madelyn started crying explaining how she just couldn't make it any further...I felt exactly the same way but since I am not five years old, I thought crying would be just down right embarassing so I settled for a "It's not so bad Madelyn"...what a big fat lie that was! I am not kidding you it is M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E right now. Everyone keeps telling us we will get used to it again but I am really not buying into that notion right now. However, we have survived thus far! It was Dallan's first day of work today and Madelyn will start school tomorrow. We are now just praying our house sells quickly so we can all be together (Emily I am now feeling your pain and I echo your sentiments when I say...WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY HOUSE???). So any prayers on our behalf will certainly be appreciated. I would extend an invitation to come and visit us but there are a few problems with that....1. Even though I have never been to hell I am assuming that this is EXACTLY what it would feel like. and 2. We have no place for your to stay even if the extreme heat didn't scare you away. But when we finally do sale our home and the temperatures dip below three digits you are all welcome to come and see us! Until then I will just hole up here inside my grandparents house and wait until November to come out.

Five Already???

2008-08-16T00:01:00.000-07:00

That was then....

.......This is now

Happy Birthday Madelyn!!! It doesn't seem like it was five years ago that your dad and I got a phone call that changed our lives forever. As your dad and I drove to Florida to meet you, I kept thinking how was it possible that my baby girl has entered this world and I don't even know what she looks like. I think the night before I meet you was perhaps the longest night of my life. Morning couldn't come fast enough and when it finally did your dad and I knelt down once again and pleaded with our Heavenly Father that perhaps this time our dream of becoming parents would come true. And then....there you were in all your cuteness. I couldn't take my eyes off of you and your dad....well your dad couldn't stop crying. We loved you from the moment we laid eyes on you. Then the question....what was your name going to be? Madelyn Elizabeth Lott. I am so thankful your birth mom got to share in that decision and I am thankful a part of your name is also a part of hers. Speaking of Stephanie...I can't talk about you without thinking about her. What an amazing "first mom" you had. Your dad and I love her so much and words could never adequately express the gratitude we feel for her and for the sacrifice she had to make.

Since that day you have filled our home with such incredible love and happiness. There are moments when I look into your face and feel just overwhelming joy that I was chosen to be your mother. So on your 5th birthday I thought I would share with you some of the reasons why I love you so much.....

1. You have a kind heart. You hate to see other people sad or upset andI love the way you come to other peoples defense when they are in trouble.

2. You tell good jokes! I love that you laugh at your own jokes!

3. You love to tease your dad. This is something he has taught you how to do and it is something you have learned VERY well.

4. You are smart. I love to read books and it makes me so happy that you love books as much as I do.

5. You are confident. Whether it is dancing or sharing your testimony in church, you aren't afraid to get up in front of people and I love that about you.

6. I love to hear you pray.

7. You are not afraid to try new things. When you wanted to take your training wheels off your bike you bugged and bugged dad until he did it. You practiced every day until you could do it. Even after falling once or twice you didn't give up. We just put a band-aid on your knee and you got right back on. I love that about you.

8. I love that you try very hard to always do what is right.

9. I love that you still like to cuddle with me.

10. You have the best imagination. I could listen to you pretend play all day long and I love that you get mad when I ask you who you are talking to. You always tell me in that frustrated tone...mom I am not talking to you!

So once again...Happy Birthday Madelyn, we love you baby girl.

Jackson....

2008-08-12T10:23:00.000-07:00

One thing is for certain....he could NEVER be mistaken for a girl!

Always ready to eat....
even if it happens
to be his toes.

Caution Spoilers....

2008-08-04T09:36:00.000-07:00

My Personal Book Review.....

I love to read. I love when you pick up a book and within pages you are transported to another place in time. I love the urgency I feel in getting to that final page so much so that I will forgo eating and sleeping, and when the end does come it saddens me to know that the characters I have come to know and love will no longer be there to entertain me. I anticipated the final book in this series. I was one of those slightly obsessed fans who stood in line at midnight waiting for my copy. I drove home, settled in my favorite chair and tore into the pages. All I can say is how completely disappointed I am. I just keep asking myself WHAT WAS SHE THINKING??? Why did everything have to be tied up so perfectly? Where was the angst? Here are just a few of the problems I had with Breaking Dawn....

1. In the end Bella didn't have to give up anything. She gets Edward, she gets Edward's baby, she gets to keep her family, she gets to keep Jacob around, she gets a sweet little cottage in the woods, blah, blah, blah. Was there anything that didn't come easily to her in this book?

2. Jake imprinting on Bella's baby. That was just wrong on so many levels. But aside from the ick factor this means Bella never has to give up Jake and Jake doesn't have to give up Bella. So if he can't have her he will just take her daughter instead. Does anyone else have a problem with this???

3. The fear and repulsion she felt when she imaged being a newborn vampire was all for naught. She goes hunting...smells human blood...decides the best thing to do is to just to hold her nose and make a run for it.

4. Bella never wanted to become a mother because of her own dysfunctional family. Yet, when she finds out she is pregnant there is never a moment of panic or dread at the thought of impending motherhood. To me this was implausible when considering Bella's character.

5. There was no pain or even a little regret in giving up her old human life. Actually I take that back she didn't want to give up her human life right away...not because that meant giving up her own mother and father. Not because it meant giving up Jacob or her other friends. No, she didn't want to leave the human world because she enjoyed having sex. And even that turned out to be better as a vampire because well as a vampire you never have to stop having sex in order to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, or any of those other human annoyances.

6. I understand the sacrifces a woman makes in giving birth but who else had a hard time reading her reaction to drinking blood before she became a vampire? Was she sickened at the thought of drinking it...no. In fact after her first gulp she wanted more. It tasted good to her. Give me a break!!!

7. Even if I could get over all my other complaints one fact would still remain....the book was just poorly written. I can't count the number of times Edward "rolled" his eyes or "chuckled". Seriously there were so many repetitive words that by the end of the book I wanted desperately to send Miss Meyers a thesaurus. And 700 pages??? I think 200 or possibly 300 would have been more than sufficient.

I could go on and on about all the other things I hated about this book. Their baby's name being one of them! But I will stop. I will just wrap this post up by saying once again how dissapointed I am. This is one book I will never read again. Sad, sad, sad!

One final note and I promise I am done..."Did Edward really say "Goodbye, Jacob, my brother... my son."? " Again, what in the heck was Stephanie Meyers thinking???

I Have Been Tagged.....

2008-08-01T08:22:00.000-07:00

Sorry folks not too interesting but here it is anyway.....

Ten years ago…

Let’s see that would make me 29….okay only in my dreams! That would have been when I was what 22?

Getting my life back in order. Believe it or not that is about all I was doing ten years ago. After many years of making poor choices and keeping a far distance from all things church, I had finally found (better yet, they found me) some wonderful people who helped me get back on my feet and back into a church building. A somewhat impossible task at the time. Little did I know several months later I would be preparing to go on a mission.

Five things on today’s “to do” list

I don’t make lists! But if I did make lists, today mine would have completely consisted of cleaning my house. Tomorrow is the day the realtors walk through our house and give feedback on what we need to do to sale it. Someone going through my house without me being there and getting critiqued on what my house should look like….two things that make me sick to my stomach.

Five snacks I enjoy

Brownies
Kettle Chips
Popcorn (preferable caramel, and not the hard stuff either…I love the gooey kind)
Chips and Salsa or Chips and guacamole (I’m talking about good homemade salsa)
Peanut M&M's
(I could list healthy stuff but what fun is that?)

Five things I would do if I was a millionaire…

Adopt lots of babies
Build my dream house and have it professionally decorated
Help out my family and friends
Plan and pay for the best girls week anyone has every seen. All of you would be invited of course
And then I would do some responsible things such as pay off our bills, put money away for retirement, college funds, etc, etc. But if I am going to dream…I just want to dream of the fun stuff and not about bills or long distance relatives who suddenly love me and want my money.

Five places I have lived…

Arizona
Maryland/Washington DC
South Carolina
Washington State
Idaho

The Girl Who Cried Wolf

2008-07-25T08:16:00.000-07:00

We're moving...No, we aren't...yes, we are....now we're not....NO, NO really we are and we mean it this time. I feel like the girl who cried wolf. Perhaps you won't even believe us after so many false starts. But truly this is for real this time. Dallan gave his two/three week notice yesterday. There was no negotiating this time around, the deed is done so to speak. What changed our minds?? Last week Dallan called Palo Verde and explained we would be staying, they asked why, and he told them Basic had given him a raise in order to keep him here. They asked what we needed in order to make the move, Dallan gave them a number, Palo Verde thought it over and the next day they called and matched the offer Basic had given him. We took the weekend and seriously thought and prayed as to what decision would be best for our family and in the end we felt like we could take either job and be okay. Dallan has wanted to go into the nuclear industry since he got out of the Navy and now that he has been given a chance to try it out, we decided to throw caution or money to the wind and make the move. I say money because we are not sure how much we are going to have to lose in order to sell our home here. So please say a little prayer that it won't take years for us to get rid of this house! If anyone is interested in roasting yourself in the hot sun you are always welcome to come and visit. By the way the picture I posted makes me laugh because the day we decided to take the job I had run to the store for something and when I got back Dallan had changed everyone into their Arizona State attire.

And the Award Goes to....

2008-07-16T15:16:00.000-07:00

Me! That's right the award for worst mom in the neighborhood goes to yours truly! If you are wondering why I deserve such an award let me list all the many things I did or didn't do today that warrant such high praise from the other mothers on the block....

1. I was not aware this adorable boy pictured here knows how to operate door handles. There I was having a moment of peace in the basement when all of a sudden I hear a soft spoken voice calling my name. I wondered who could that be? As I bounded up the stairs it hit me.... the silence I had been enjoying wasn't due to this little boy playing quietly upstairs. No, the silence was due to the fact that he had let himself out the side door and was busy outside chatting up the neighbors. And not just any neighbor, no that would have made it too easy. It had to be none other than...the neighborhood's "Mother of the Year". Now, I don't say that sarcastically either. This neighbor's house is clean every time I go over, even when she isn't expecting company. She is the kind of mom that never gets angry and any time you hear her talking to her kids it is always in this calm and completely patient voice. So not only does she find my adorable boy outside alone, she gets to come into my house and into the one room I didn't want anyone to see today...the kitchen. Great work Mandee!

2. Madelyn....see my lack of parenting skills doesn't just apply to one child. No...I firmly believe in equality when it comes to my lack of parental involvment. First thing this morning Madelyn asks if she can go to Libby's house. Libby is a friend of mine that lives almost directly behind us. She has all boys and none of them are Madelyn's age. For whatever reason she loves going to Libby's house. Last night she asked Libby if she could come over today and Libby graciously said yes. So off Madelyn went to her friend (and mine) Libby's house. A few minutes later Libby called to chat and I said so what is Madelyn doing? Oh she is just laying on the couch watching TV. Why does she want to go to someone elses house to watch TV when she could do it here? Then I learn that not only is my daughter sprawled out on Libby's couch but that she has informed her she is hungry and that she would like a ham sandwich please (at least she said please). The girl just ate two eggs at home and now she is asking the neighbor for a ham sandwich as though she hasn't eaten in days? What is going on here? After having been served brunch and watching a little tv she decides she wants to go to Keagan's house. At least Keagan is her age. After swimming Madelyn decides it is time to go home. When she makes it back I ask her if she is ready for some lunch to which she tells me "No, I am not that hungry mom". I said well that must be because Libby made you a ham sandwich and she said no I am not hungry because I had some carrots and a peanut butter sandwich at Keagan's house. So let me get this straight Madelyn....you left here....went to the neighbors house....watched Elmo and had a ham sandwich....when you were done there you went to Keagan's.....upon your arrival you took a little dip in their pool, asked if Brenda (keagan's mom) could put some sunblock on you and thought it was okay to eat a few carrots and a peanut butter sandwich? Yes, mom that is right. Nice Mandee....REAL nice.

I could go on but I feel as though I have embarassed myself enough for one day. Now there is no need to thank me for making all of you feel extra good about the great jobs you are doing in raising your children. I am glad I could help you out. And remember when you are feeling insecure about how well you are doing as a mother....just come back and read this post and you will feel better instantly! Glad to be of service!

Everyone say POTATO!

2008-07-09T22:06:00.001-07:00

Well it is official....we are now permenant residents of the great state of Idaho (at least for the time being). It was a tough decision but in the end the offer Basic American Foods gave Dallan was just too good to pass up. It is strange how things work. I wanted more than anything to move back closer to our families but for whatever reason it just didn't ever feel exactly right. I guess to me it is ironic that the one place I have been wanting so desperately to depart from over the last year turned out to be the place I ended up feeling the best about when the time finally came to make a decision. I am sad we are not going to be living near my family. I love them and I love the way they love, love, love our kids. That is the reason it makes me sad. My children adore their extended family and it would have been so much fun to raise them close to all the people who love them so much. But for some reason we are supposed to be here, at least for right now. And like my mom told me tonight....don't look back just be happy with the decision you guys made. So for what it's worth...Mom, Hannah, Beba, Aunt Jana, Aunt Susi and Uncle D(and the rest of the clan) we are really sorry!

Can you say.....

2008-07-08T11:40:00.000-07:00

JUST KIDDING????

They made Dallan a counter offer yesterday and it was GOOD. But after MUCH talk we decided we were going to stick to our original plan and off to Arizona we would go. Dallan went to work this morning and called his boss and told him our decision wasn't based on money, that in fact should we stay here we were not looking for a raise but he was making the decision based on what was best for his future and also what was best for our family. His boss then told him would you be willing to meet with me and the Vice President of human resources tomorrow afternoon? Before you go we would like to give you an idea of the big picture so to speak and where you fit in as far as the future of this company is concerned. He then went on to tell him that he heard what Dallan said about not wanting any more compensation but that him and this other guy were going to make him an offer that would NOT be easy to say no to. So that is where we are as of right now. Dallan is meeting with them tomorrow at 3:30 and hopefully after that we will have a sure answer as to what we are going to do. Let me just add that I am about at a point where either an ulcer or a heart attack are a very real concern. For those that don't know this about me I HATE the unknown. This may come as a shock seeing as how I am not a planner, in fact I am the polar opposite of someone who likes to make plans. But not knowing what is happening scares the heck out of me and really just leaves me all out of sorts. So I guess it is to be continued for now.....

A New Chapter is about to Begin....

2008-07-06T21:37:00.000-07:00

The decision has been made and it looks as though the Lott family will soon be residing in Phoenix, Arizona. We are excited amd worried all at the same time. Excited by the fact we are doing something new and worried that we won't be able to sell our home here in Rexburg. Dallan has the unpleasant task of giving BAF his two weeks notice today. He was so nervous about it I don't think either of us went to bed until after 1:00AM. I keep waiting for the phone to ring to see how it all played out. I don't envy him that's for sure. So unless his current job gives him an offer we can't refuse it looks like we will be calling the Grand Canyon state our new home. I would ask you to come and visit but I will wait until the summer months are over. I mean who would want to come and visit with it is 115 degrees outside? Heck, I don't even want to go when it is literally hot as _ _ _ _! Wish us luck and pray that we will be able to sell this house! I suppose I should end this post with a TO BE CONTINUED just in case something new unfolds today. I will keep everyone updated!

Pleasantly Surprised

2008-06-26T20:29:00.000-07:00

WARNING: This post is long and at times very personal. I promise I will not be offended should you decide to skip it altogether. So with that being said....happy reading!

I think I am recovered now! Sorry there are no pictures at this time. We didn’t take our camera and we haven’t got the disk with all the pictures yet. Heather you will just have to wait for the dreaded proof that I actually went on this trek and more importantly that I survived. I am just going to go through it day by day and so if you get bored please just skip the parts you don’t want to read!

Thursday: We arrived at the church at 4:00 a.m. where we loaded the bus with our 5 gallon buckets and sleeping bags. Yep, you read that right…a 5 gallon bucket is all the room you got. When the saints left for Salt Lake they were only allowed 17 pounds (for an adult) and that included their blankets. Lucky for us they counted our sleeping gear separately. From there we traveled for over 6 hours. It was a long bus ride but the scenery was absolutely breathtaking. If you have never been to Wyoming, especially up near Jackson Hole, I strongly urge you to do it if you ever get a chance. It is gorgeous! With about two hours left to go we stopped for a break and that is when we learned who would be in our “families”. Dallan and I were assigned 3 girls and 2 boys, all of which turned out to be great. We finally arrived to Martin’s Cove late in the afternoon. We unloaded our buckets from the bus, put them into our handcarts and we started walking. We only walked about 5 miles that day. For me personally this was my best day. I am not sure if you know it but President Hinckley consecrated Martin’s Cove and it is considered sacred ground. That area is still government property and the missionaries won’t share any history with you unless you ask. To me it was amazing that the government allowed the church to come in, set up an amazing visitor’s center and show anyone around who asked. We had a missionary talk to us in Dan Jones Cove and as soon as that was over we made our way to the actual cove. What was amazing to me was the spirit I felt there. It was like there was a hush that fell over our group and I truly felt the sanctity of that place. For those that don’t know this is the area where the majority of the saints died as they made their way to Salt Lake. They came across the cove as they crossed the Sweetwater River. They were out of supplies and really could go on no further. They decided to stay at the cove until the relief wagons found them. They huddled together in one part of the cove and only ventured to the other side to bury their dead. By this time the ground was so frozen they could only dig shallow graves for their loved ones. It is said that this is when they could hear the packs of wolves waiting nearby to attack their dead once they were buried. After leaving the cove we traveled to the Sweetwater River where we saw the statues of the valley boys. When the saints realized they would have to cross the river again most simply sat down and started to cry. The river was filled with floating ice and these poor people were already so cold and sick. There were four young boys who (we were told there were also others who helped) took it upon themselves to carry all those saints across the freezing river. They crossed back and forth in that icy water until all 600 saints had made their away across. From there we trekked our way back to the bus, loaded our buckets back on the bus and headed to the Willie Handcart Center, where we would be camping the rest of the time.

What I learned: As I mentioned before, the time we spent at Martin’s Cove was the most spiritually rewarding part of the trek for me personally. As I was standing in Dan Jones’ Cove what struck me wasn’t the physical part of what I was doing and how hard it was going to be. What struck me was the question that filled my mind “Are you willing to do the hard things for My sake?” For me that was the purpose in me going on this trek. It was so I could be at a place where I would listen to what the Lord needed me to hear. As you all know we have been working on our adoption paperwork and it has actually been finished for quite sometime. That is all except our birthparent letter and picture pages. I still haven’t done them. I have been putting it off for weeks and weeks, not really knowing why. It is in that cove that I realized I haven’t done it because I didn’t want to deal with the emotional roller coaster that always comes once the paperwork is done and the waiting actually begins. It has been a long time since I have felt the need to repent as much as I did in those few moments we were there. I knew with such clarity that I had been in the wrong and was withholding blessings not only from myself but my entire family. I think all of us are asked at different points in our lives to do hard things in order to grow spiritually. When I look at what those pioneer saints accomplished I am inspired not only by their physical strength but more importantly by their incredible faith. They were willing to press forward and enduring the hard things in life in order to receive the blessings our Father in Heaven had in store for them. I needed that experience more than I could ever put into words. I should have had the faith to move forward in the process. I have experienced twice once with Madelyn and again with Jackson. I have seen what the Lord can accomplish when I do my part. And even after seeing the miracle of our children making their way to our family I still put off doing what I considered to be hard. I didn’t want to be bothered with it and therefore I refused to move forward. For that one experience I will forever be grateful I was asked to go on this trip.

Friday: LET THE LAUGHING AND MOCKING BEGIN! You know me and you know I am not known for my physical prowess. Not only that but I don’t like getting dirty and I certainly take a little pride in my appearance. If Thursday’s lesson was on repentance then Friday was all about me learning to leave the vanity of the world behind! I got up Friday morning at 5:30 am and put on my second set of pioneer clothing. And let me just say one thing about that…CAUTION WIDE LOAD AHEAD! Could clothing get any more unflattering? For heaven’s sake! I seriously looked about as wide as a bus! But I took it in stride and forged ahead! We had just started our 10 mile leg of our journey when we reached several mud holes in the road. We scouted out the narrowest part and the girls began to leap across. They all made it of course. Then it was my turn. Here was the plan…I would leap and Dallan would catch me. I leaped but there was no catch. I forgot to lift up my skirt and therefore ran out of room before I cleared the mud puddle. And yes, you guess right before I even knew what was happening I was on the ground in the mud! Half of my side was covered. I was filthy and worse yet I was humiliated. I had made a pact with one of my boys that I would not complain if he didn’t complain. You would be proud that I didn’t complain one time. Yes, there were some tears shed, more out of embarrassment than anything else but I never uttered a complaint. Poor Dallan felt so bad. He knows me and he really knows how vain I am. When I started crying my poor husband started to shed a tear on behalf of my muddy state as well. What a good guy I have. He tried so hard to wipe the mud off me, but there was so much of it, that it was completely impossible (on the way back to camp the kids were teasing that maybe we would still be able to see my outline in the mud). So we moved on….mud and all. We hadn’t made it very hard when my nose began to bleed. I am on a steroid to help reduce the swelling in my nose, so the doctor can assess what is going on with my sinuses. That morning I was a little sore and so I took a couple of Advil which is also a blood thinner. I didn’t know you shouldn’t take those two things together. My nose wouldn’t stop bleeding, and I am not just talking a little bit of blood, but large quantities of it. Poor Dallan was scared I was going to pass out. So he scooped me up and carried me over the mud to a dry patch of ground. There he laid me down and then proceeded to slightly argue with the missionary who was refusing to take me back to our truck in his little golf cart (he finally gave in when realized the bleeding was only getting worse and perhaps me walking back to the truck wasn’t such a great idea)! There I was mud all over my clothes, blood gushing from my nose and if that wasn’t humiliating enough they decided the best solution for the time being was to stick a tampon in my nose. Can I just say MORTIFIED??? My nose bled for about 35 to 40 minutes. When it first happened they told me to lean my head backwards which I did. BAD MOVE! Never lean your head back when you have a bloody nose. It doesn’t stop the bleeding; all it does is allow the blood to travel down your throat and into your stomach. I started getting sick to my stomach and before you know it I was gagging and spitting up large amounts (okay they seemed large to me!) of blood. And lucky for me this all happened before I got back to camp and before I made it to the golf cart. So yes, all the leaders and all the kids got to witness this very public display of me being disgraced. The whole thing was so not pretty! I was able to rest at camp and the bleeding finally stopped. All in all I missed about 4 miles of the trek. It would have been easy for me to give up but you would all be proud that I decided to keep walking. I made it back just in time for the women’s pull. This is when the missionaries come and call the men and boys off to fight in the Mormon battalion, and the girls take over pulling the handcart. They pull it all by themselves for about ¾ of a mile all which is uphill. At the top all the men are waiting. It was a sweet moment to see most of these young boys with tears in their eyes as they watched their “sisters” pulling the heavy handcarts all by themselves. That was another favorite moment of mine of the trek. From there we made our way to the Sweetwater and were able to cross. It is June and the water was still really cold. I couldn’t imagine how cold it would have been in November. So there you have it! I made it. I walked almost the entire thing and to be honest it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was hard and I was tired at the end of the day but I was proud that I did it and even more proud that I didn’t complain one time. Food never tasted so good and laying in my sleeping bag on the hard ground had never felt so comfortable. I slept like a baby! The experience taught me a lot. It made me appreciate the sacrifices that other people made for their faith. It made me appreciate the many comforts I enjoy on a daily basis. It gave me hope to see so many youth taking part in something other than what the world has to offer and actually having fun while doing it. I am so thankful Dallan and I got to experience it together and truthfully we will remember it as one of the most spiritually uplifting things we have ever done together as a couple. And the best part was….for three days I completely escaped the pressures of life! I didn’t think of job interviews and the possibility of us moving in the next few weeks. For three days we got a reprieve from the big decisions we are making right now and it was wonderful! So here is my advice….if you ever get a chance to go…DO IT! There you have it…I CAME…I SAW…I CONQUERED! And I am a better person for having gone through it.

Veni - Vidi - Vici

2008-06-22T08:49:00.000-07:00

I CAME
I SAW
I CONQUERED....Stay tuned!

I knew there was a reason

2008-06-15T19:09:00.000-07:00

It is my firm belief that there is reason and purpose as to why things happen a certain way in this life. And there was a reason as to why I was born in a time when pulling a hand cart wasn't something that would EVER be asked of me. Because the truth is I would not have made it. I would have been one of those pioneer women who gave up less than a mile into the trip. Better yet, I would have been one of those women who gave up as soon as she saw the mode of transportation she would be using. With all that said this will be me and Dallan in a matter of days! Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor? Everyone please start praying now.

Madelyn's Big Night!

2008-06-02T13:21:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures of Madelyn the night of her dance recital. I think it went pretty well other than her hitting one of her classmates for not doing being in the right place! I am still trying to talk Dallan into teaching me how to post video. If he ever does I will make sure and post some of her cute dance moves. Oh by the way, the costume is supposed to be a little "chick". They danced to Flip, Flop, Fly in that yellow get-up! The other one is an angel of course! And they danced to the music of Angels We Have Heard on High. That one was a disaster and yes, that was the one where she pushed/hit the little girl that was not doing what she was supposed to be doing. Check back later to see if I was able to post the video we took. But for now please just enjoy Madelyn in all of her cuteness!

Still laughing...

2008-05-21T21:13:00.001-07:00

Now this is what I call

F-U-N-N-Y!

Thank you Lexi!

Unwrap A Smile

2008-05-17T07:10:00.000-07:00

I layed in bed all night thinking about this post, trying to come up with the perfect title. Here were some of the contenders....

1. Please don't judge me.
2. Have you ever....
3. I am not an emotional eater...REALLY I'm not.
4. Who am I kidding.
5. I will get back on the wagon tomorrow.
6. I know I am going to hate myself in the morning.
7. It's all fun and games until....

So yesterday wasn't a great day. Dallan called about 2 hours after his interview. I ran to the phone (the only time I am willing to run), answered and asked okay what's the verdict. He said I have good news and I have bad news, which do you want first? You know as well as I do that when someone says that to you it is never good news just bad and really bad. But I took the bait and said give me the good first. He said I think I did really well in my interviews and I said okay that is good, so what's the bad? He said the bad is the people I interviewed with were idiots. To make a very sad and long story short this trip was a complete waste of a vacation day. He couldn't get over how unprofessional they were and how the company had paid for such a wasted trip. The guys he interviewed with were not even the guys who make the decisions as to who will be hired. He said not one of them asked him a question that wasn't written on a piece of paper and that one guy he spoke to chewed bubble gum through the entire interview. They told him nothing about the company and nothing about what he would be doing.

So we hung up...both of us dissapointed for lots of reasons. I called my mom. I cried a little bit (so much for my indifference huh?) and then I packed up the kids and headed to the store for a little retail therapy...my favorite kind. I picked up some flowers and window cleaner and on the way to the ckeckout counter I saw the stand stacked with Little Debbie snack cakes in varying kinds. Madelyn mentioned they looked yummy and that was all the excuse i needed...before she could say "Can we get some?", I had thrown two boxes in our cart. Oh, and did I mention the king size box of milk duds I picked up while standing in line (thank you Lexi)?

We made it home without me tearing in to the boxes of the before mentioned snack cakes. I made it the rest of the day without eating a single one and later that evening as I walked past them I even congratulated myself for having self control. So the kids went to bed and I stayed up to catch up on my DVR events and while laying there I thought I will just have one...from each box. Oh who knew processed sugar could taste so good...I will just have one more...from box A. Before I knew it box A had only three little snack cakes left. I had almost eaten the entire box in the span of about 2 hours. I refuse to mention what kind of snack cake it actually was because well I do have some sense of pride. So much for self control.

Arizona Here We Come....

2008-05-15T16:51:00.000-07:00

Just Teasing! Actually, Dallan's interview is tomorrow and I am feeling a little nervous about it. When I think about moving again and whether or not I really want to live in a place that is hotter than Haites (or is it Hades, the actual name for the god of the dead) I just look outside and remember where I am posting from....Rexburg, Idaho and then I remember....anywhere even Hades (use whichever spelling you prefer) is better than here! So positive vibes for the Lott family please and I will keep you posted. And further more I am trying my best to remain indifferent to this job interview so I don't loose it when it all goes south. In that case...send postive vibes or don't...it really makes no difference to me!

I Don't Say It Enough!

2008-05-11T18:23:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to all of you! Each of you in some way has helped me to become a better person and therefore a better mom, so thank you for being there, especially when it looked as if motherhood would never happen for us. I love you more for that then you will ever know. With that being said.....I woke up this morning long after the kids had gotten up (thank you Dallan), he had bathed them, ironed their clothes for church, and was getting ready to feed them. He remembered to get cards and of course yummy treats. As I was in the bathroom blow drying my hair I realized that these things occur on a regular basis. Every Saturday he gets up with the kids and lets me sleep, even though all week he has to get up earlier than me. Cooking meals and cleaning the kitchen isn't something that happens once a year, it happens all the time and taking care of the kids so I can have a break happens every day when he comes home from work. It was at that moment when I realized just how lucky I am. Lucky to have a husband who loves me and a husband who adores his children. And on this Mother's Day I am lucky to realize that his love and appreciation doesn't come around once a year but every day.

JUST FOR HEATHER.....

2008-04-29T17:15:00.000-07:00

This is my formal apology to my friend Heather! I am sorry Heather I have not been around to amuse you. I truly feel horrible about this. Sometimes at night I just stare at the ceiling trying to come up with something to write about. My lack of creativity eats at me, it truly does. With that said....I am on vacation, okay it really is NOT a vacation when you are with your children without your spouse around to help out. But we are in Arizona (100 degree weather is another reason it is NOT a vacation) for my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary. We will be here until May 6th. With that being said there probably won't be many posts until that time. I am sorry to dissapoint you, especially you Heather. But let me say I am so glad you find me so interesting, that you check this site frequently. Let me assure you that knowing that does much for my ego!

On a different note I will fill you in on one little tidbit of information....Dallan has a job interview in Arizona on May 16th. Not sure what this means (if it means anything at all), but I thought I would update you on what is happening in our little family. Other than that things are pretty much the same.

Please check back in with me soon, I promise not to disappear for too long!

One of those moments...

2008-04-13T20:12:00.000-07:00

Did you not LOVE Elder Ballard's talk in General Conference? One of the things he said that I just loved was..."recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction". A couple of months ago on Fast Sunday both Dallan and I got up and shared our testimonies. Madelyn really wanted to go and kept asking when it was her turn. We explained that she could go up and share her testimony when she was able to do it on her own. For the last several weeks during family home evening she has practiced and today she wanted to go up. We kept asking her are you sure you want to? You more than likely heard the same counsel we did as far as allowing children to go and share their testimony during sacrament and for that reason we were hesitant. But she was relentless and finally I said okay. We made our way to the front, found a seat and waiting for our turn. She leaned over and said mom I don't see dad. I said he is right there. When she finally found him she waved and I am not talking some little discreet wave but instead raised her hand as high as she could. At that moment I thought this is not going to be good. I kept whispering in her ear are you sure you aren't scared to get up in front of all these people? Her reply...No. And then it was...Remember you have to do it all by yourself...her reply....I know mom, I don't need your help. When it was almost our turn she said mom I need you to go up there with me, I said okay but I am not going to tell you what to say, she said Mom, I don't need your help, I just need you to stand up there with me. So the last girl finished and she looked at me and said it is our turn. We walked up there and I helped her get on the little chair, I adjusted the microphone and then knelt down, so no one could see me. This is what she said...."I would like to tell my testimony. I know Jesus loves me. I know the church is true. I know President Monson is our new prophet. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen". Then she got off the stool and quietly sat down on the chair behind me until I was done. I was so proud of her. Proud that she was confident enough to stand up there in front of so many people and proud she worked hard for something she wanted to do. For me it was one of those moments Elder Ballard spoke about. On a daily basis I wonder if what I am doing is enough. Are they learning the things they need to? Do any of the things I tell them sink in? And to be honest most days I feel as though I have fallen short in my role as their mother. But today....today was a shining moment that filled my heart with joy and love for this beautiful little girl whom I get to call my daughter.

Easter with the Lott Family

2008-04-04T14:20:00.001-07:00

New Church Clothes

Searching for Eggs

Yummy Treats

I Never Thought This Day Would Come!

2008-03-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

Today is Saturday and today marks the day this adorable boy turns eighteen months old. If you still aren't seeing the significance let me spell it out....TOMORROW HE GETS TO GO TO NURSERY!! Enough said! Let the rejoicing begin!

Friends

2008-03-11T10:07:00.000-07:00

So this past Friday night our friends Clark and Emily, along with their adorable girls came to see us. Emily actually came up this summer and this picture was taken then, why didn't I get my camera out when they were here this time? Shame on me! But they are the kind of friends that when you get together it is as if no time had passed. It was like we were still living on Hickory Hall Lane in Charleston, South Carolina and per our usual arrangement we were having dinner with one another. The only difference was there were a lot more Scharman's and a couple more Lott's running around the house. We talked and laughed and reminisced about people we knew and fun times we had together. Thinking about that this morning made me so grateful for the many friends I have. Like Clark and Emily when I see or talk to them it is as if I am still living close by and we are having our usual daily chat. Over the years I have meet some truly remarkable people. People who have changed my life and helped to navigate me through some really rough patches. I can't imagine my life without you.

ZERO, ZIP, NADA.....

2008-03-05T05:47:00.001-08:00

I wanted desperately to post something new. You know something witty and clever that would make you laugh out loud....NOTHING. Then I thought perhaps I would enlighten you with something intellectually stimulating...AGAIN...NOTHING! Then it hit me, I have got nothing to say. Hopefully in the not too distant future I will find something of important to say or at the very least something frivolous and funny. Until then.....please don't give up on me all together.

I need help!

2008-02-20T14:59:00.000-08:00

I am finally trying to load up the ipod Dallan got me for Christmas and that is where you come in. What are some songs I should definately put on there? For those that run/exercise what songs are a must for you? For everyone else what are some of your favorites? I love music but sometimes forget names. Thanks in advance!

Excuse me...what did you say?

2008-02-11T20:13:00.001-08:00

What is the best response when your four year old daughter decides it is appropriate during family prayer to "Please bless Mommy that her tummy will get smaller"? Now of course I said thank you, because it was nice that she remembered me. However, with that being said I think my feelings are somewhat hurt. Sometimes children are just a little too honest. I guess I will have to start sucking it in and not just in public places like before but now even when I am at home, what a sad, sad day!

Snowed In With Nothing To Do!

2008-02-07T21:20:00.001-08:00

See what happens when three people are cooped up in the house for too long?

Should I Be Worried?

2008-02-04T08:31:00.000-08:00

Madelyn came in the office asking if I could please help gag her captives. Once that was finished she wanted me to tie up their hands. She was adament that I tie them behind their backs. She tried forcing their hands behind their backs (poor girls) so, I had to explain to her that her "prisoners" weren't being
noncompliant, it was just something that was impossible for them to do. She wasn't happy about this but relented and asked if I could tie them up in the front. After seeing what she was capable of, I happily obliged.

Non Profit? Yeah Right!

2008-01-28T12:01:00.000-08:00

QUESTION.....WHAT IS THE GOING PRICE FOR A KID THESE DAYS?

CAUTION.....A VERY LENGTHY AND VERY OPININATED RANT....READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION

So we have come to the conclusion that there is another Lott waiting to join our tribe. As happy as that makes me, all of you that read this blog understands the emotional upheavel that is about to take place. I wish my thought process was like Dallan's...if there is a baby Mandee, then it will happen when it is suppose to happen. If that takes 3 months or 3 years it is okay. I can't think that way. If they said now Mandee in three years time you will have a baby, okay I can deal with that. I may not like it but I can deal with it. It is the NOT knowing that kills me. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won't. I am sure many of you are saying to yourself hasn't she learned anything? You would think so, right? With both of our children, it has worked out. I mean look at them and one can't help but know it was always meant to be this way. Even with two times under my belt I still haven't mastered the virtue of patience. This is one that continues to elude me and cause havoc in my life. Now enters Tisha. Tisha is a mother I meet at Madelyn's dance class. She has 7 children, two of which she just adopted (twin boys). She has given me all sorts of good information. They began with LDSFS but ended up going through an adoption facilitator. I think she waited less than 6 months. Last week she told me about an agency based in Salt Lake. She excitedly explained their short wait times and I was immediately hooked. I went home looked them up, called them, and said absolutely I would like a free information packet. Today the packet showed up in my mailbox and with that my balloon burst. Oh sure the first page explained that the wait time is an average of 7 months. I couldn't have a baby that fast even if I could get pregnant. In fact they gave you a sheet showing all the placement times for 2006. There were 83 couples and over half waited one month. One month! Can you believe it? Now comes reality along with the explaination as to why this agency only had 83 couples...
the expense sheet...... Here is a breakdown and please try to keep up.

1. Application Fee - $800
2. Processing Fee - $2,000
3. Home Study - $1,000
4. File Activation Fee - $4,500
5. Agency Fee - $10,500
6. Birth Parent Fees - $5000+ this includes her rent, maternity clothes, travel costs, food, utilities, etc.
7. Medical Fees - Depends on whether or not the mother has insurance, is she doesn't we are responisble for all her healthcare.
8. Additional Counseling - $75 per hour
9. ICPC Processing fee - I have no clue but it is going to cost me $500
10. Agency Time and Travel - between $3500 & $5000
11. Long Distance phone calls - $250
12. Birth Parent Support (for those mothers living outside of Utah) - $500 a week, they didn't specify exactly how long you would have to pay $500 a week for.
13. Attorney Fees - between $2500 to $6000

So what is the grand total??? Does it matter? I mean who can afford that? That is the question Dallan had. No one, that's who. That is why they give you a sheet with information on all these banking institutions willing to give you an unsecured loan.

Here is my problem and something I have learned from first hand experience...it is sickening to see the lengths doctors, adoption agencies, adoption attorneys, and yes even (some) birth mothers who are willing to make a profit off of the heartache couples face because they can't have children. Of course it is illegal to "buy" a baby, but an agency can charge you anything they want as long as they can somehow justify it. You have birthmothers who want you to pay for their maternity clothes, travel expenses, gym memberships (I am not kidding), post baby wardrobes and believe me the list goes on and on. And you mean to tell me I am not "BUYING" a baby? That is just there way of manuevering around the law. Because let me tell you if you can't pay for the things the birth mother demands, you aren't getting that baby. LDS Family Services is the exception. Theirs is a flat fee based on the amount of money you make. And there is a cap. They will never charge you more than $10,000. So what is the problem you ask? Well agency #1 places over a 100 babies a year...LDSFS (not nationwide) places maybe 12 to 20 babies. Agency #1 has 83 couples for their 100 babies...LDSFS....hundreds of couples (slight exaggeration). But you get the point.

I hear it constantly about all these babies who need homes. The only problem is they are only available to those who are wealthy or for those who are willing to commit financial suicide. Really, really sad!

January...The Bane of my Existance

2008-01-13T16:15:00.000-08:00

January....a time for reflection......a time to put your best foot forward...a time to put your priorities in order...who came up with this?

I always start out the new year with my little notebook and grand ideas of all the things I will accomplish in the new year. I start off excited about the prospect of finally fitting into some "skinny" jeans (translation...less "chubby" jeans) and becoming more proficient in all areas where I find myself lacking. Loose weight..check...be a better mother...got it down...ponder the scriptures...check, check...be more charitable...noted...keep a meticulous house...etc, etc, etc. By the time I am finished writing said list, I feel so overwhelmed I end up sitting down in the filth and squalor of my home and eating a slab of chocolate cake that I initially made for the neighbor who just gave birth. Will the madness ever end? Why can't I just give in to the part of me that says "Hey I like you just the way you are...weakness is a good thing...there is no need to improve oneself...list? what list???" Oh, if only I didn't want to be skinny, smart and successful. If only I didn't want to raise happy and productive children. Pipe dreams, that's all the list is....that's all the list will EVER be.

Christmas Vacation

2008-01-03T14:45:00.000-08:00

I just didn't want anyone to think I had abandoned ship so to speak. Me and the kids are still in Arizona soaking up as much warmth and sunshine as we can until Saturday when we finally return to Iceburg oh wait I mean Rexburg (I am so funny). I will return in full form next week. I hope your Christmas holiday was exactly what you had hoped for. Thank you for all your nice comments on our holday picture. Lots of love to all of you.

Mandee

The latest from Rexburg....

2007-12-18T13:51:00.000-08:00

I love Christmas! It is the one time of the year when people seem happy and a little more eager to show charity toward their fellowmen. I am thankful for the many blessings we have in our lives. I am thankful for Dallan and for the good husband he. I am thankful to have two adorable children who are healthy and happy. I am thankful for my family and for the good friends I have in my life. But I am especially grateful for my testimony of our Savior. I know it is through him I have and will continue to be forgiven of the mistakes I make in life. I also know it is through his grace I have been able to move past challenges that seemed overwhelming at the time. I am thankful to know I am a child of God and with that comes unlimited potential to do many great things in this life. I am thankful our Father in Heaven is able to look past my flaws and see the person I am capable of becoming. In a world where people give up on one another way too easily it is comforting to know I have a loving and patient Father in Heaven who will give me as many chances as I need in order to achieve success. We hope each of you has very merry Christmas. We love you and indeed are blessed because you are a part of our lives.

Love,

Dallan, Mandee, Madelyn and Jackson

Just one of those days....

2007-11-27T15:54:00.000-08:00

Today was just one of those days when from the moment you wake up things just aren't quite right. Over the weekend we put up our Christmas tree and other decorations. I love it and it makes me really feel the Christmas spirit but that being said past Christmas' haven't included a one year old little boy who loves to explore. It has been so frustrating for both me and him and everyday since putting up said tree I go to bed asking myself is it worth it? I am sure if Jackson could give his opinion his answer would be a big fat NO!!! I mean here is this tree with all these lights and shiny things that look exactly like balls and you are telling me I can't touch it....are you crazy??? Yes, son I think I am! So between me stopping the utter destruction of our Christmas tree and making pancakes yet again both me and Madelyn had what I like to call a "meltdown". For her it is age appropriate for me it just comes off as pathetic and more than a little crazy. I am sure as we both sat in her room battling it out this morning she must have thought to herself...my mom has lost it!!! In that moment I even had that thought....am I going crazy? Who is this person anyway? It certainly wasn't the me you all are used to. It was UGLY to say the least. And when it was all over I was left sitting there crying on the floor why you ask? Because it was one of those moments when you feel like the worst mother the world has ever seen. I wish I could say it got better but for the most part it remained the same.....one crazed mother, a frustrated little boy, and a daughter who wished today school lasted longer than two hours because that way she wouldn't have to put up with said mother! I don't want to be a mom today!!!!

Halloween

2007-11-09T09:28:00.000-08:00

Here are the pictures I promised. Sorry they aren't the best quality, I am not sure what happened. They are really grainy...I guess that is what I get when I use my regular camera now. Oh well, at least I tried! Halloween was fun this year. I wanted the kids to coordinate and I thought it would be really cute if Madelyn went as Raggedy Ann and Jackson as Andy but for the life of me I could not convince Madelyn to put on the Raggedy Ann costume. She wanted to be a cheerleader and so brother had to go as a football player, which I suppose is more fitting! They were really cute together! My grandma made Jackson's little football pants and I made him some shoulder pads (although he probably didn't need them) and Madelyn got the last ASU cheerleading uniform left in the state of Arizona (okay I am exaggerating a little but it was dang hard to get my hands on one!). But it was worth it in the end....she loved it. I hope all of you had a great time dressing up the kids and "sharing" their treats. By the way it is good to be back!

Long time...No post

2007-10-30T12:33:00.001-07:00

Sorry it has been so long since I last posted but I have been in Arizona visitng my family. I will be back next week!

Are You Kidding Me?

2007-10-18T13:18:00.000-07:00

Normally I use my blog for cute pictures and intersting (if only to me) stories about me and my family. There are of course lots of things in this world that outrage me and once going I am sure I could rant with the best of them. I did just post yesterday and if you want something a little more uplifting feel free to skip this particular blog and scroll down to the next post. Believe me I won't be offended. With all that being said when I read this article on the internet I just had to speak out. I know no one who has the ability to change this policy will read my opinion and even if they did I am sure it would have little or no impact on the situation, yet I still felt the need to voice my concern. So here it is.....I just finished reading how one school district in Portland, Maine has decided by a vote of 7-2 it will now provide not only condoms but birth control pills as well as the birth control patch to that districts middle schools. YES, MIDDLE SCHOOLS!!! Not high schools, but middle schools. The ages of these CHILDREN are 11 to 13. I am sure to make everyone feel warm and fuzzy they did stipulate that parents must sign a waiver for their children to be seen by the clinic, but under state law such treatment is confidential, and students decide for themselves whether to tell their parents about the services they receive. So if you want your child to have the option of getting an aspirin just understand they also could ask for birth control pills and you would never know about it. It absolutely boggles my mind that school officials have the right to provide CHILDREN with not only contraceptives but with prescription medicine. I feel outraged and sick to my stomach at the thought of 11 year olds going to the school clinic in order to get birth control. So let me understand this correctly the school has no authority to allow students and teachers to pray but they do have the authority to hand out birth control? Are you kidding me????? On a side note when I read things like this I am SO THANKFUL to live in ultra conservative Rexburg, Idaho.

I love my children!

2007-10-17T13:40:00.000-07:00

So the other day was one of those days where everything was just a little "off". I wasn't in a great mood and neither was Madelyn. Jackson, well Jackson is always happy. Seriously, he is just the happiest, messiest, loves to get into everything kind of boy. Even when he poops all over everything you can't stay frusterated for very long because he is just so dang cute. Okay back to the original story...at the end of that very long day, when everyone was in bed except me Madelyn woke up and of course wanted more milk. Perhaps I was feeling generous because I had been so grouchy that day so I got her another sippy of milk. I went in her room and laid down by her (she loves to snuggle at night). As we were lying there she rolled over and said mom I am sorry I was such a mean girl today, now feeling very guilty for my short temper I said Madelyn I am also sorry for being such a mean mom today. I said maybe tomorrow we can both be a little nicer...is that a good idea? She said yes mom that is a good idea and maybe Heavenly Father and Jesus can help us be nice....is that a great idea mom? Hugging her trying not to cry I ensured her that that was the greatest idea I had ever heard.

Sometimes I think I miss so many of the great moments motherhood has to offer because I am too busy, or too distracted by something not nearly as important as Madelyn and Jackson. However, I am thankful for chubby hands that always pat my back when I hold Jackson. And I am thankful for the many times a day Madelyn tells me I am her very best mom. I love that they are the children Heavenly Father chose to send to our family. I look at them both with their red hair and adorable faces and can't imagine what my life would have been like without the two of them in it. I love looking back and seeing the many things that had to take place in order for me to be their mother and every time I do I marvel at God's ability to make even the most unlikely of events occur.

There are some days when everything that goes along with motherhood seems too much for me to handle and I just want to throw my hands up and say I quit! But today I am thankful. Thankful for the messy house, the loads of laundry that are just waiting to be cleaned, the half eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich that is sitting on the table, and even for Barney tape Jackson loves. Because without all of that my life would be sad and lonely.

What do you think....too many movies??

2007-10-09T13:10:00.000-07:00

The unexpected statements starting coming at me yesterday. First it was...mom I need you to go and get me a boy. Not sure if I understood her correctly I asked WHAT? She said mom boys hold girls hands and boys dance with girls...I need you to get me a boy mom, so I can dance. I asked if dad was a possibility and of course the answer was no, dad was entirely too big and buddy, well too small. I guess you could say we were in a "Three Bears" situation. One too big, one too small when what we really needed was one boy who was juuuust right. All day this is what she asked for....a boy. Then this morning she comes downstairs and asks "Mom, what is that boy's name"? I don't know Madelyn what boy are you talking about? You know mom...that boy! I said are you talking about Camden? She said yes mom, Camden! And mom I am going to marry him. I said really you are going to marry Camden and she said yes, he is the boy of my dreams! At this point I could no longer maintain my serious face and started to laugh. This wasn't good...actually this reaction made her quite irritated. She put her hands on her hips and said mom I am going to marry Camden and all my dreams will come true! Okay, where does she get this stuff? Perhaps a little more mom and daughter time is in order instead of Disney Princess and daughter time. Boy are we in for it!!

Not Much to Say

2007-10-04T15:12:00.000-07:00

There really isn't much to say as of late, no amusing stories or witty remarks. I am blank! Maybe it is all the benadryl I have been taking (allergies here have been horrendous). But I did take a few pictures of the children lately and so I thought the least I could do was post them if only so you don't have to look at the "boob lights"any longer. I hope all is well with each of you, I love reading your comments and am so glad to call all of you my friends

Only a guy would notice....

2007-09-26T12:08:00.001-07:00

Dallan and I were upstairs watching TV when all of a sudden said you know oddly those lights look like breasts. I said what are you talking about? He said well just look at them so I did and well he was right they do. Now every time I am in that room all I can think about is how my three ceiling lights look exactly like a part of the female anatomy. What do you think? I think I need new lights.

I AM SO EXCITED......

2007-09-16T16:11:00.000-07:00

I love the fall season! The leaves on the trees are starting to change, there is a crispness in the air which soon will lead to cozy sweaters and an excuse to sip hot chocolate. Fall means Halloween and thenThanksgiving and before you know it Christmas will be here. With all those reasons to love the Fall season there is another one....premiere week!!! That's right no more re-runs and finally some much anticipated answers to all those hanging questions! So hello the Office and you too Grey's Anatomy and Lost I couldn't forget you....oh howI missed you!

Welcome back to my living room, we have been awaiting your arrival.

2007-09-11T12:48:00.001-07:00

Last Tuesday was Madelyn's first day of school. I will admit I was worried about sending her because she didn't know any of the other kids or the teacher. But as soon as we got there our little miss independant sat right down, kissed me goodbye, and said I will see you later mom. This made me a little sad because I thought for sure she would get upset to watch me leave! Two hours later I picked up Madelyn who was all smiles. She loved school and she loved her teacher Mrs. Doggett. As we were driving home I started asking her how her day was to which she replied it was fine. I said well what letter did you learn about, her response was "I can't remember". I said well I think it was the letter "C". She said yeah the letter "C". A few moments later I said Madelyn what letter did you learn about today (I was trying to be a good mom and reinforce what she did at school), this constant questioning by me was really starting to bug her and so she politely said "Mom, I really don't want to talk about it anymore". Okay.....conversation over! My next question was whether or not she liked her teacher Mrs. Doggett, her relpy shocked me! She said "Mom, she is nice but Mrs. Doggett is fat". I have no idea where she learned that because we don't use that word in that context. I said Madelyn we don't call people fat, it will hurt their feelings. She said but mom Mrs. Doggett is a really fat teacher. Again, I said Madelyn we don't say that! She said well then what do we say mom? Hmmmmm, well Madelyn we say Mrs. Doggett is a very nice teacher, okay? I only got silence from the backseat, so I said Madelyn do you understand we don't call people fat? Her reply...."Mom, I don't really want to talk about that anymore". Conversation over.....again. I know at least part of the conversation sunk in because today when she was talking to her grandma on the phone my mom asked her how she liked her teacher. She said she is nice grandma but we don't call Mrs. Doggett fat because that will hurt her feelings. Let us hope she remembers that the next time she sees her teacher!

Reminders of home and random introductions

2007-09-05T15:48:00.000-07:00

When we lived in Washington there were plenty days when I thought enough with the rain! Who would have ever thought there would come a day when I would miss it? Today was such a "Washington" day. You know cloudy and cool with periodic rain showers. It was perfection! I opened all the windows and let the smell of the rain fill the house....aaah it is heavenly!

Today was Madelyn's first day of dance class. I will of course post some pictures as soon as I download them. But as all the moms were sitting there beaming with pride at their tutu clad little angels I started talking to the mom sitting beside me. She had two little African American baby boys who happened to be twins. This of course got the conversation rolling and her telling me how they adopted these two adorable twin boys. She gave me an email address and a search engine to try out regarding other adoption agencies. I went home and tried it out and was simply amazed at the wealth of information that was out there and all of these posts from agencies needing adoptive families for their birth mothers. I just couldn't believe I had never heard of this or found these sites when I was doing research. I more than likely would have never found them had I not been sitting in Rexburg, Idaho watching Madelyn showcase her dance moves. Maybe this is one of the reasons we had to move here and maybe nothing will come of it, but for now it has given me hope that maybe there is another baby out there for us.

Rain, good information and watching Madelyn dance.....I would say that is a very good day!

What is family?

2007-08-31T07:05:00.001-07:00

Last night as I layed in bed trying to go to sleep but couldn't due to thoughts of wanting to sell our home and move I started comparing our situation here versus other places we lived. What made them so much better? Why do I hate it here so much? Like most of you church takes up a huge chunk of your time and in essence is a large part of who you are. That is when it hit me what is family? Family to me are those people you love and without condition or strings attached (most of the time). They are the first people you want to call when something good happens and even more so when the news is bad. When you are sick it is your family you want most. Family is good food and lots of laughter. They are the people you want to be with more than your neighbors, more than your other friends. They are the people you love to serve because you simply love who they are. And yes, there are times when they drive you crazy! And yes, sometimes you argue with them but in the end you always come back together because you are family and you love one another. Because Dallan's jobs have pulled us far away from our parents, siblings, etc., etc., we have learned to rely on a new kind of family.... our ward family. In both Charleston and Port Orchard from the moment we walked in we were greeted, we were taken care, we were welcomed. We felt loved, needed and when we served we felt appreciated. I will never forget when we went to church the first time in Charleston after picking up Madelyn. It was almost embarassing the reception we received. We were late getting there. Most people had already heard the news but no one really knew we were going to be at church that Sunday. One sister spotted us in the lobby and instantly got up and walked out to see our new baby, and then another, and then another. Soon the lobby was full. Dallan was mortified. But they were ecstactic for us. They wanted to see this baby girl we had waited so long for. The love I felt from those people was unreal. Many cried with us when we got the news we would never have children and those same people cried happy tears when our dreams of becoming parents came true. They were our family. Then we moved to Port Orchard sure that we would never find a ward of that caliber again. And again, we were beyond suprised when we became a part of the Sinclair View Ward. Like Charleston, the people in that ward became our lives. The sisters in that ward became my greatest friends, my greates allies. There was nothing they wouldn't do for me or my family. And in truth there isn't anything I wouldn't do for them. You should have seen the clothes people brought over when we got Jackson. Meals were brought in even though I was quite capable of cooking. And my baby shower! I can't even tell you how much work went into that! Why? In one word...family. And that brings me to Rexburg, Idaho. This ward isn't a family. It is a Sunday obligation. You go to church and you are nice but when your three hours are up that is it. You go visiting and home teaching because it is required not because you love it. You do your calling and you serve because that is what was asked and what is expected but not because you love it. You don't see people congregating talking about what is going on in each other's lives. And when that last bell rings you better believe most are running toward their car. So what happens when you are away from your "real" family and your "other" family turns out not to be family at all but merely aquaintances at best? I wish I knew!

7 more months....

2007-08-26T14:49:00.001-07:00

I remember fondly wrapping this cute boy up in his blanket and watching him sleep as Madelyn and I sat rather peacefully during sacrament meeting. I can now tell you that is a thing of the past. We are now talking about climbing, crawling, pulling everything out of the diaper bag, grabbing for the song books and fighting his way through the mass of legs hoping for an escape. After we are done each Sunday with church Dallan and I just look at each other and comment on how we have 7 more months of this little monster before he is old enough to go and terrorize the nursery. Good thing he is both cute and loveable! Seven more months.....heaven help me please!

Eclipse.....

2007-08-23T10:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, I need a book club (even though many would say this series isn't book club material) but it would be fun to discuss certain aspects of the book. I don't get many hits on my blog so maybe we should do it on Emily's, she gets about a million a day. But anyway I will start and will make it an easy question with no hint as to how the book ends. So......

"And I'll never sit on a porch somewhere, with him gray-haired by my side, surrounded by our grandchildren".

1. What human experience would you never give up?

PS - Last night I posted pictures of the house with all the landscaping. Check it out and prepare to be amazed!

Can you believe it?

2007-08-22T19:14:00.000-07:00

For all those that knew us in Washington these pictures should shock and amaze you. I wish I had taken a picture of the yard before the landscaping was completed. Just imagine the backyard at the "blue house" but with more weeds! I didn't take a picture of the backyard but it too has grass, trees and shrubs!!

To Madelyn

2007-08-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

Happy, Happy Birthday Madelyn Dear.......

Can you believe she is four already? So to all those that love her this is a little glimpe of the past and some of my favorite moments with my favorite girl.....

Here she is on the very first day we meet. Dallan spent days and days making sure he picked out the very best car seat for her. It amazed me the amount of love he had for her from the very moment he held her.

Madelyn was definately a colicky baby. We tried everything and then by accident we discovered that the warm vibrating dryer calmed her down and put her to sleep. Adorable!

Her first Halloween. Have you ever come across a cuter pumpkin?

This was the day we had Madelyn sealed to us. She was so exceptionally good natured that day. It was almost as if she knew what an important day it was. This is one of my favorite pictures of that day. The dress and blanket were made by her great grandmother, Nana, or Hannah which is what Madelyn calls her.

Watching the Jungle Book with "Beba", her great grandfather. I am not sure how many times he was forced to watch that and Barney. I am sure the nightmares were abundant.

Madelyn and grandma. They have always shared a special bond. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer just weeks before we got the news about Madelyn. So for my mom Madelyn was a sign of hope during a very difficult time. Every time we visit they both cry when it is time to leave.

Her first experience with snow.

Her first trip to Disneyland. We had so much fun with the Tenney's we went again the following year.

Madelyn loves horses! And so for her birthday last year we bought her a red rider horse, which she promptly names "Buddy".

Meeting her brother for the first time. She has many names for him..Jaskin, buddy, little buddy, brother boy and finally big boy. When you call him Jackson it doesn't even register.

This was taken on the day we took Jackson to the temple to have him sealed to our family.

She loves music and loves to dance. Her favorite lunch consists of a sandwich with peanut butter and grape jelly, and she could probably eat pizza every day if you let her. The girl can put down milk like you wouldn't believe! She loves chocolate and blue juice. Her favorite people (besides her dad, me and brother) are grandma, hannah and Uncle "D". She loves both pretend and real horses, especially if they are white. She loves to act silly and can easily make me laugh. She is bossy and quite sassy. I love that she loves doing "girly" things, but also loves to go out and play in the mud. She hates getting her hands dirty and hates washing her hair. If you ask her what color her hair is she will tell you brown. If you insist it is red she will argue with you until you give up. She is stubborn and sweet all at the same time. When I asked her what her favorite food is she told me chicken but not zebras. Her favorite song is Jesus wants me for a sunbeam. She loves to tease Dallan and in fact told him the other day when it was time to say family prayer that she no longer likes Jesus. You could see Dallan trying to restrain himself all the while telling her how much he loved Jesus. When his "talk" was over she looked at him and said well I don't. After he went to bed and I was reading her a book she looked at me and said mom, I love Jesus. That is when I knew she only said it to him to get under his skin. He has taught her well and now it is coming back to bite him in the well you get the picture. She is my best girl and I am so thankful every day that I was chosen to be her mother. She has changed me in so many wonderful ways. I look forward to many more birthdays and years of watching her grow into someone and something more lovely than I ever could have imagined. I love you little one.

It's the little things that count.....

2007-08-09T09:57:00.000-07:00

"Happiness is the object and design of our existence; and will be the end thereof, if we pursue the path that leads to it;"

This was the quote that was used in a talk given at our youth conference. As I sat and pondered those words I started to feel somewhat guilty about my present state of being.....depressed. I have had the worst attitude about our current state of residence. Suddenly Dallan has been thrown in a house with unruly children and a depressed wife (I think the unruly children are a result of their mother's state of mind). So if happiness is the object and design of my existence why am I so unhappy here? The answer was all too obvious and made me feel even more guilty when the realization hit me that I was selfish. From the moment we moved here everything has been about me. How this has effected me. So today is a new day and with that comes the decision to "count my many blessings"......

The first is my husband. Last week a man from our ward was arrested on 9 counts of child pornography. He is 26 years old, has a wife and two small children. What a devastating situation for all involved. I think of that poor, poor woman and what she must be going through. What do I have to complain about? Dallan is a great father, he loves our Father in Heaven and all his decisions are based on that singular relationship, he is not only a good provider but as soon as he comes home he is non-stop help until it is time for bed. The best thing about him though is how much he loves me. How many women can honestly say if my husband could choose anyone in the world to be with I know he would still choose me. I know Dallan would choose me again even now that he sees all my many flaws.

Then there is Madelyn. Today she had to read the scripture in primary and so I went in to help her. As soon as she saw me she ran over hugged me and introduced me as her "most special mom" to anyone who would listen. She tells me almost everyday that I am the best mom, even after I have lost my patience with her. I am so thankful to be her mother and thankful she is so willing to love me so unconditionally.

Jackson! My sweet, sweet boy. I always wanted a baby boy and thought I would never see that happen. We call him the gentle giant. He is so masculine and big for his age but has the most tender of hearts. I love that every time I hold and cuddle him he pats my back with his chubby little hand. I love his sloppy kisses and toothy grin. I love when you say his name in a certain tone his response is "no, no"(I guess I say that too much!). And like Madelyn, I am so thankful he loves me enough to smile every time I walk into the room.

My family. I have such a good family on both sides. I am so thankful Madelyn and Jackson have people who love them so much. I love that my mom cries whenever she talks to Madelyn. I love that Madelyn calls my Nana, Hannah and asks to go to her house all the time. I love that my brother thinks my children are the greatest thing next to his children. I love that my grandparents want so much to hold Jackson each time we go home but can't because he is such a good boy (only if they are sitting down!). This time when we were home Jackson followed my grandpa everywhere wanting so much to be held by him. Every once in a while my ninety something grandpa would give in much to Jackson's delight. I just knew he was going to through his back out. I love Dallan's family and the fun times we have every time we get to see them. Madelyn still talks about the trips to Disneyland with Aunt Susan and Uncle Jeff.

Good friends. I can't say enough about the good friends I have made along the way. There are too many to name but each one I am so thankful for. Over the years they have changed my life, have made me a better person. They have laughed with me (and at me) and cried with me. I think back to each special memory and know there were many times I would have never made it through without their love and support. How lucky am I?

Indeed there are too many good things to list but I will just end with one more and that is life's miracles. They are certainly all around us and appear in both the biggest and smallest of ways. I have seen them in my own life and I have definitely seen them occur in the lives of those I love. Take the Carter Family. After years of trying and much heartbreak they were told they would not have any more babies. it was devastating news and both Dallan and I knew exactly what they were feeling. Soon after they started working on getting ready to adopt a baby and they were excited about it and we were excited for them. And wouldn't you know it Jen became pregnant. Truly a miracle. Yesterday the newest Carter (no name as of yet) was welcomed into this world by his mom, dad and big brother. Welcome Baby Carter!! We are so glad you made it safely here and we can't wait to meet you.
The more I ponder it the more certain I am that happiness is indeed the object and design of our existence and it is up to us to find the path that leads us in that direction. I am so thankful for the blessings in my life and for all the many, many things that make me so incredibly happy. I know all of them come from a source of immeasurable love and concern for my well-being and ultimate happiness. Thank goodness our Heavenly Father is able to look past our shortcomings and see the potential in all of us.

PS - For all those that occasionally peak, FYI you don't need have an account to post a comment (I think). I tried to set it up that way because I knew many of you would never get your own account. So Please feel free to comment away! It is fun for me to hear from you.

A name is just a name or is it?

2007-08-08T21:33:00.001-07:00

" It's simple. Some parents are just plain crazy. But few are as crazy as many soon-to- be parents, who, wrapped up in the fear and anticipation, the social status and expectations, go just plain mad."
As I logged on to the internet a headline caught my eye, it read something like this "Parents denied a bid to name their newborn son 4real". I just had to point and click. I thought to myself are they serious? What kind of parents would do that to their child? The name came about during their first ultrasound when they realized the baby was "4real". When they went to register the baby's name the New Zealand government rejected it because the name had to be a series of characters. I just think they were hoping to give this kid a chance at a normal life but the parents would have none of it. With the news came their decision to go ahead and use Superman as the boys legal name and 4 real as his nickname. I am not kidding here! Poor, poor boy, he is in for a rough life! In the spirit of this post I decided to do some research and find some of the most despicable names that have been given to people over the years here are just a few......(sorry if I offend anyone)
1. Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee
2. Harold Bahls
3. Luke Skye Warner
4. Mercedes Binns
5. Vashara Rashea
6. Sharmonica
7. Nancy Ann Seancey
8. Twins Daryl and LaDaryl
9. Captain Bonar
10. Sloe Harlotte
Just a sidenote.....All the above mentioned names have been confirmed! Yes, there are really parents who are this crazy!

Things I hate about moving....

2007-08-01T13:21:00.000-07:00

Up until this last move I have always loved the adventure of moving someplace new. It is great because you can always reinvent yourself when you go someplace new. But there are things I HATE, HATE, HATE about moving to a new place. Here are just a few (feel free to add to the list).

1. Finding someone GOOD to cut and color your hair. I do believe this is the absolute worst. Think about the trust you place in the person cutting your hair. Oh, I think back to the time when I would walk in, sit down and she would say what do you want and I would reply whatever you think is cute. You see I could say this because I TRUSTED her and she never let me down. Now I have to find someone new and from recent experience it isn't a girl names Natalie! As I was leaving she was explaining how she would take $5 off for every referal I gave to her and I was thinking to myself....DOES SHE SEE MY HAIR, DOES SHE REALLY BELIEVE I AM GOING TO BE SENDING PEOPLE HER WAY??? So the hunt continues.
2. Finding new places to eat. I love going out to dinner. In fact it is one of my favorite things to do. When you have been somewhere for a long time you learn the lay of the land. You learn where to eat and where you should stay far away from. Finding new restaurants is hard on the wallet and sometimes the stomach.
3. Finding new friends for your children to play with. There we were, just me and Madelyn in the living room playing "match" when through the window she noticed a group of kids playing outside. She said mom where are my friends mom? And if that wasn't bad enough she went on to add "I miss my friends so much mom". Talk about guilt!
4. Finding new friends for myself. I love having friends and in fact in each place we have ever lived my girlfriends have been my life line but I sure don't like having to find new ones. I really feel like the new kid in school.
5. Finding new doctors and dentists. Enough said.

This is making me depressed so I better stop, but feel free to add to it!

What do you do when......

2007-08-01T07:36:00.001-07:00

So there we were, just me, my mom and the two children in the airport waiting to board the plane. Madelyn was sitting with my mom in the pre-boarding section when this severely obese man walked up behind her. In an instant Madelyn stopped wriggling long enough to notice that this man looked quite different from other people she has had contact with. So she looks at him and then she looks at Jackson and then back at the man. She becomes quite for a moment, this should have been a red flag! Before I knew it she had turned to this man and said "You a biiiiig boy" (notice she really exaggerated the word big). She then went on to tell him that "buddy", which is what she calls her brother is a big boy too. And then again said yeah buddy is a big boy and you a big boy too, you are like buddy. I thought she would never let it go. This poor man was so nice. He just laughed at her and explained that people come in all shapes and sizes, unfortunately by this time she had lost interest and the advice fell on deaf ears.

The house now.....

2007-07-29T20:01:00.000-07:00

Some of you asked for pictures of the house now that we are moved in or at least close to being all moved in. So here they are. They were taken after Emily came to visit. I told Dallan that I had better take them now since everything was so clean. There is still so much more I want to do but I guess I will just have to be patient. The landscaping should be done within the next week and I promise to post pictures of that when it is all done. For those that know us understand just what a huge deal that is for us. I mean a landscaped front and backyard now that is a huge accomplishment! Anyway on to the pictures....

Day of miracles.....

2007-07-29T15:24:00.001-07:00

It has been a long time since I last posted but that isn't the reason for this particular title although it would be appropriate! But I do promise that from now on I am going to be better at posting new entries regardless if anyone reads them or takes time to respond!

Here are some pictures of Mother's Day weekend. Jackson's adoption was finally official which meant we could take him to the temple and have him sealed to us. As a mother who has not had the priviledge of giving birth I am so thankful I get to experience taking each one of my children to the temple to have them sealed. There is nothing so sweet as seeing your baby boy and three year old daughter all dressed in white and there is no greater feeling then the one you experience during that sacred ceremony.

Isn't that just the way our Heavenly Father works? Just when you think all is lost because something didn't go your way instead you are blessed with something much greater than what you had initally asked for. The night Jackson was born and I saw him for the first time I knew without one single doubt that he was meant to come to our family. I remember coming home from the hospital and climbing into bed completely exhausted emotionally. Dallan rolled over and said tell me everything. I think my first words were Dallan he has red hair. He just smiled. I started to cry and told him I wasn't sure she was going to give him to us and then said again, he has red hair Dallan. I mean what are the chances he would be born with red hair? Neither parent has red hair and yet he does, Dallan he just has to be ours.

So here they are my two red heads, my two miracles. I love watching them play together. I love how protective Madelyn is when it comes to her brother. I love it that he laughs at everything she does. It doesn't matter that they have different genes or were born to different mothers on opposite sides of the country, they are brother and sister in every way that matters.

I am so thankful for the love our Heavenly Father has for us. I am thankful for his infinite wisdom and thankful that he understands us better than we understand ourselves. I am thankful his answer was no when I asked over and over again to get pregnant. I mean could anyone ask for two cuter kids than these?