I layed in bed all night thinking about this post, trying to come up with the perfect title. Here were some of the contenders....
1. Please don't judge me. 2. Have you ever.... 3. I am not an emotional eater...REALLY I'm not. 4. Who am I kidding. 5. I will get back on the wagon tomorrow. 6. I know I am going to hate myself in the morning. 7. It's all fun and games until....
So yesterday wasn't a great day. Dallan called about 2 hours after his interview. I ran to the phone (the only time I am willing to run), answered and asked okay what's the verdict. He said I have good news and I have bad news, which do you want first? You know as well as I do that when someone says that to you it is never good news just bad and really bad. But I took the bait and said give me the good first. He said I think I did really well in my interviews and I said okay that is good, so what's the bad? He said the bad is the people I interviewed with were idiots. To make a very sad and long story short this trip was a complete waste of a vacation day. He couldn't get over how unprofessional they were and how the company had paid for such a wasted trip. The guys he interviewed with were not even the guys who make the decisions as to who will be hired. He said not one of them asked him a question that wasn't written on a piece of paper and that one guy he spoke to chewed bubble gum through the entire interview. They told him nothing about the company and nothing about what he would be doing.
So we hung up...both of us dissapointed for lots of reasons. I called my mom. I cried a little bit (so much for my indifference huh?) and then I packed up the kids and headed to the store for a little retail therapy...my favorite kind. I picked up some flowers and window cleaner and on the way to the ckeckout counter I saw the stand stacked with Little Debbie snack cakes in varying kinds. Madelyn mentioned they looked yummy and that was all the excuse i needed...before she could say "Can we get some?", I had thrown two boxes in our cart. Oh, and did I mention the king size box of milk duds I picked up while standing in line (thank you Lexi)?
We made it home without me tearing in to the boxes of the before mentioned snack cakes. I made it the rest of the day without eating a single one and later that evening as I walked past them I even congratulated myself for having self control. So the kids went to bed and I stayed up to catch up on my DVR events and while laying there I thought I will just have one...from each box. Oh who knew processed sugar could taste so good...I will just have one more...from box A. Before I knew it box A had only three little snack cakes left. I had almost eaten the entire box in the span of about 2 hours. I refuse to mention what kind of snack cake it actually was because well I do have some sense of pride. So much for self control.
Just Teasing! Actually, Dallan's interview is tomorrow and I am feeling a little nervous about it. When I think about moving again and whether or not I really want to live in a place that is hotter than Haites (or is it Hades, the actual name for the god of the dead) I just look outside and remember where I am posting from....Rexburg, Idaho and then I remember....anywhere even Hades (use whichever spelling you prefer) is better than here! So positive vibes for the Lott family please and I will keep you posted. And further more I am trying my best to remain indifferent to this job interview so I don't loose it when it all goes south. In that case...send postive vibes or don't...it really makes no difference to me!
Happy Mother's Day to all of you! Each of you in some way has helped me to become a better person and therefore a better mom, so thank you for being there, especially when it looked as if motherhood would never happen for us. I love you more for that then you will ever know. With that being said.....I woke up this morning long after the kids had gotten up (thank you Dallan), he had bathed them, ironed their clothes for church, and was getting ready to feed them. He remembered to get cards and of course yummy treats. As I was in the bathroom blow drying my hair I realized that these things occur on a regular basis. Every Saturday he gets up with the kids and lets me sleep, even though all week he has to get up earlier than me. Cooking meals and cleaning the kitchen isn't something that happens once a year, it happens all the time and taking care of the kids so I can have a break happens every day when he comes home from work. It was at that moment when I realized just how lucky I am. Lucky to have a husband who loves me and a husband who adores his children. And on this Mother's Day I am lucky to realize that his love and appreciation doesn't come around once a year but every day.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it is in each one of us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same". quoted by Nelson Mandella