Monday, January 28, 2008

Non Profit? Yeah Right!



So we have come to the conclusion that there is another Lott waiting to join our tribe. As happy as that makes me, all of you that read this blog understands the emotional upheavel that is about to take place. I wish my thought process was like Dallan's...if there is a baby Mandee, then it will happen when it is suppose to happen. If that takes 3 months or 3 years it is okay. I can't think that way. If they said now Mandee in three years time you will have a baby, okay I can deal with that. I may not like it but I can deal with it. It is the NOT knowing that kills me. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won't. I am sure many of you are saying to yourself hasn't she learned anything? You would think so, right? With both of our children, it has worked out. I mean look at them and one can't help but know it was always meant to be this way. Even with two times under my belt I still haven't mastered the virtue of patience. This is one that continues to elude me and cause havoc in my life. Now enters Tisha. Tisha is a mother I meet at Madelyn's dance class. She has 7 children, two of which she just adopted (twin boys). She has given me all sorts of good information. They began with LDSFS but ended up going through an adoption facilitator. I think she waited less than 6 months. Last week she told me about an agency based in Salt Lake. She excitedly explained their short wait times and I was immediately hooked. I went home looked them up, called them, and said absolutely I would like a free information packet. Today the packet showed up in my mailbox and with that my balloon burst. Oh sure the first page explained that the wait time is an average of 7 months. I couldn't have a baby that fast even if I could get pregnant. In fact they gave you a sheet showing all the placement times for 2006. There were 83 couples and over half waited one month. One month! Can you believe it? Now comes reality along with the explaination as to why this agency only had 83 couples...
the expense sheet...... Here is a breakdown and please try to keep up.

1. Application Fee - $800
2. Processing Fee - $2,000
3. Home Study - $1,000
4. File Activation Fee - $4,500
5. Agency Fee - $10,500
6. Birth Parent Fees - $5000+ this includes her rent, maternity clothes, travel costs, food, utilities, etc.
7. Medical Fees - Depends on whether or not the mother has insurance, is she doesn't we are responisble for all her healthcare.
8. Additional Counseling - $75 per hour
9. ICPC Processing fee - I have no clue but it is going to cost me $500
10. Agency Time and Travel - between $3500 & $5000
11. Long Distance phone calls - $250
12. Birth Parent Support (for those mothers living outside of Utah) - $500 a week, they didn't specify exactly how long you would have to pay $500 a week for.
13. Attorney Fees - between $2500 to $6000

So what is the grand total??? Does it matter? I mean who can afford that? That is the question Dallan had. No one, that's who. That is why they give you a sheet with information on all these banking institutions willing to give you an unsecured loan.

Here is my problem and something I have learned from first hand is sickening to see the lengths doctors, adoption agencies, adoption attorneys, and yes even (some) birth mothers who are willing to make a profit off of the heartache couples face because they can't have children. Of course it is illegal to "buy" a baby, but an agency can charge you anything they want as long as they can somehow justify it. You have birthmothers who want you to pay for their maternity clothes, travel expenses, gym memberships (I am not kidding), post baby wardrobes and believe me the list goes on and on. And you mean to tell me I am not "BUYING" a baby? That is just there way of manuevering around the law. Because let me tell you if you can't pay for the things the birth mother demands, you aren't getting that baby. LDS Family Services is the exception. Theirs is a flat fee based on the amount of money you make. And there is a cap. They will never charge you more than $10,000. So what is the problem you ask? Well agency #1 places over a 100 babies a year...LDSFS (not nationwide) places maybe 12 to 20 babies. Agency #1 has 83 couples for their 100 babies...LDSFS....hundreds of couples (slight exaggeration). But you get the point.

I hear it constantly about all these babies who need homes. The only problem is they are only available to those who are wealthy or for those who are willing to commit financial suicide. Really, really sad!

Sunday, January 13, 2008

January...The Bane of my Existance

January....a time for reflection......a time to put your best foot forward...a time to put your priorities in order...who came up with this?
I always start out the new year with my little notebook and grand ideas of all the things I will accomplish in the new year. I start off excited about the prospect of finally fitting into some "skinny" jeans (translation...less "chubby" jeans) and becoming more proficient in all areas where I find myself lacking. Loose a better it down...ponder the scriptures...check, more charitable...noted...keep a meticulous house...etc, etc, etc. By the time I am finished writing said list, I feel so overwhelmed I end up sitting down in the filth and squalor of my home and eating a slab of chocolate cake that I initially made for the neighbor who just gave birth. Will the madness ever end? Why can't I just give in to the part of me that says "Hey I like you just the way you are...weakness is a good thing...there is no need to improve oneself...list? what list???" Oh, if only I didn't want to be skinny, smart and successful. If only I didn't want to raise happy and productive children. Pipe dreams, that's all the list is....that's all the list will EVER be.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Christmas Vacation

I just didn't want anyone to think I had abandoned ship so to speak. Me and the kids are still in Arizona soaking up as much warmth and sunshine as we can until Saturday when we finally return to Iceburg oh wait I mean Rexburg (I am so funny). I will return in full form next week. I hope your Christmas holiday was exactly what you had hoped for. Thank you for all your nice comments on our holday picture. Lots of love to all of you.