Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Just one of those days....

Today was just one of those days when from the moment you wake up things just aren't quite right. Over the weekend we put up our Christmas tree and other decorations. I love it and it makes me really feel the Christmas spirit but that being said past Christmas' haven't included a one year old little boy who loves to explore. It has been so frustrating for both me and him and everyday since putting up said tree I go to bed asking myself is it worth it? I am sure if Jackson could give his opinion his answer would be a big fat NO!!! I mean here is this tree with all these lights and shiny things that look exactly like balls and you are telling me I can't touch it....are you crazy??? Yes, son I think I am! So between me stopping the utter destruction of our Christmas tree and making pancakes yet again both me and Madelyn had what I like to call a "meltdown". For her it is age appropriate for me it just comes off as pathetic and more than a little crazy. I am sure as we both sat in her room battling it out this morning she must have thought to herself...my mom has lost it!!! In that moment I even had that thought....am I going crazy? Who is this person anyway? It certainly wasn't the me you all are used to. It was UGLY to say the least. And when it was all over I was left sitting there crying on the floor why you ask? Because it was one of those moments when you feel like the worst mother the world has ever seen. I wish I could say it got better but for the most part it remained the same.....one crazed mother, a frustrated little boy, and a daughter who wished today school lasted longer than two hours because that way she wouldn't have to put up with said mother! I don't want to be a mom today!!!!

11 comments:

Jessica said...

Sending you virtual *hugs* and wanting you to know that I have had that exact same day many, many times. You are not alone in this, and tomorrow is another day. I frequently pray that my children will turn out in spite of me:(. Thank goodness for the Atonement, right? Tomorrow will be better.

Suebee said...

Sometimes it is just good to go to sleep and know that tomorrow is another day where with children you have a clean slate. Rarely do mine remember that crazy woman the next day. Also as they have gotten older I have explained to them that sometimes Mom just isn't right and that when that happens getting a book and going somewhere to read is a good idea. I feel for you. I hate those days, but children are wonderful and love us know matter. I hope tomorrow is a good day.

Vanderbeeks said...

Distract him or put up a picket fence like my friend did! But seriously, Mandee are you getting any 'Mandee' time to balance things out? Our kids act out when we are not giving them enough attention. I think we act out when we need some alone time - time to ponder, create, whatever. You'll have to figure out what it is you need to do and how much time it will take. 1/2 hour a day or one 6 hour block once a month...etc. Also are there any young moms in your neighborhood who could use an afternoon in the McDonald's playland or a softplay center somewhere. Let your kids run free for an hour or so and just sit and chat with another adult. If you take care of yourself and your needs some of the time, you'll be better equipped to take care of theirs. (It does get better especially once they are both in school- well I've heard that is until they become crazy teenagers!)

Mandee said...

Thank you for the feedback and like Susan mentioned children have the ability to forgive and forget and I mean truly forget. And Jessica like you I hope and pray that regardless of my many mistakes my children will grow up to be happy and productive adults. As far as time away...Laura I couldn't agree with you more...I love and miss my time with "the girls". I do get some time for myself but the last few weeks have been rough I think I will take your advice this weekend!

Misty said...

mandee, you make me feel better. i am sorry you had a bad day, but it is good to know i am not alone. at least your crying took place in the open - mine is usually in a dark closet where my kids can't see me. THAT is pathetic. and i know what you mean. i have my 'i don't want to be a mom today' days quite often - but most the time for me it is 'i SHOULDN'T be a mom.....they deserve someone better' etc. i wish we lived closer so we could get together on those days and rally.

Misty said...

oh, one other thing. that bad bad day i had, i realized the issue wasn't the kids at all - they were just being normal. the issue was that i needed to connect with sean and took it out on the kids. we get so lost in the every day shuffle that we don't REALLY spend time together - not like when we were dating. our time together is reading different books at the same time or watching our favorite shows. NOT the same as making out every chance you get and laying on the couch all day talking, is it?

Mandee said...

I completely know what you mean Misty. It isn't the kids. It is me or my inability to cope with whatever is happening at the moment. Like you I get those feelings of I should have never been allowed to be a mother!! I am grateful for my friends and even more grateful for their honesty because it allows me to be well...me, flaws and all. Can you imgaine handling motherhood and then pretending it is bliss everyday on top of that? I think I would go insane! And yes I miss the good ol days of dating when all we had to do is care about each other.

emma jo said...

Dating? How about the days of singlehood...I can't even remember what it was like to wake up and my biggest worry was what I was going to wear or what I felt like for lunch. Oh, the joys of manic motherhood...you know, you could always just put them in the car and drive down...my Mom has an extra King bed downstairs with your name all over it and I would promise to entertain your kids with all of my parents' fun grandkids toys and feed you orange cream soda and mint ice cream sandwiches and mozerella sticks (after the kids are in bed, of course...please! we could even fire up the old Survivor on the internet.)

emma jo said...

I just asked my Mom and she said it would be fine if I had a friend over to play...

Mandee said...

I am so there!

Heather J said...

This is late, but sorry you had a crummy day. I was just thinking about you and remembering last year when you posted those hilarious pictures of tacky christmas lights!

Could you please re-post some of your favorites for all of us to see again! Then we all can make snarky comments about them! Doesn't that sound like fun! LOL!

ALSO.. thinking of christmas lights, not the tacky kind, but the fabulous kind, you still need to post a picture of your christmas tree! What up? I want to see some snowflakes!

Oh and if you were to see my christmas tree this year! Holy icicles it is gorgeous!

alright, your post is becoming all about me, (really as it should be) but let's hear more about you!