Thursday, February 12, 2009

This is Me...On my Soapbox

I wasn't going to write about it, but after several days of non-stop interviews, and seeing countless pictures, I decided I just couldn't let it go! Yes, I am referring to the lovely single, unemployed woman in California, who after much thought decided it would be wise to give her SIX children EIGHT more siblings. Now, I can believe her claim that she didn't intend to have eight more BUT to even have ONE more when you already have SIX is just beyond me. Here is what I have a problem with....

1. She is an unemployed college student who used student loans to help pay for her fertility treatments that cost upwards of $100,000.

2. She receives $490 a month in food stamps and $2,379 a month in social security payments for 3 of her 6 children. One has autism, one has
ADHD, and the other has a mild speech problem with small signs of autistic behavior.

3. She has no private health insurance and therefore uses free state insurance. The hospital bill is rumored to be over ONE million dollars. The taxpayers of California will be forced to pay her dream of having a large family.

4. 3 of her children have disabilities and yet she wants to add MORE children? When I think of this alone it INFURIATES me. I think of Lexie and how challenging her life can be at times. I think of how much of her time and energy is spent on helping Casey get better. I can't imagine the stress she sometimes feels when she has to split up her time between Casey and her other two boys. I can recall MANY conversations I've had with her about treatment options, new studies, speech therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, the cost of getting Casey the best treatment possible, the frustration of knowing their options are limited because of where they live or because of financial restraints. Here is a mother that is devoted to helping her son get better and it IS HARD on HER and yet she does it. She puts her own needs and wants aside and she does what has to be done. How much time do you think this mother of 14 can give to her autistic son? Is he getting the treatment he needs? Is he getting the attention he deserves? THIS MAKES ME SICK!

5. When this woman was asked why she wanted so many children she explained that she grew up an only child and wanted to compensate for that by having lots of children around her that would love her unconditionally. She talked about having a void in her life and wanting to fill it by having lots of children. IT WAS ALL ABOUT HER.

I am not one of those people who believe what she did was medically unethical. She had a choice, I understand that, and that is what is so frustrating. There are thousands of couples like me and
Dallan who would give anything to have children. We are made to jump through countless hoops, have our personal lives dissected and analyzed, show proof that we have private health insurance, have minimal debt and an above average yearly salary, all of which is to ensure that we are suitable parent material. And when the government has decided that yes, we are acceptable people we are then forced to pay OBSCENE amounts of money to finally have the privilege of raising a child. Hearing stories like this literally hurts my heart and I am ashamed to say makes me questions why people like her are able to have FOURTEEN children when there are other couples in the world like Emily's sister who would give their right arm to have JUST ONE.

The frustration is that there is no way to solve this problem. There will always be selfish people in this world that put their own needs above those of their children. My heart aches for her children. I hope I am wrong about this woman. I hope she has the strength of character to give her children all that they need in order to be happy and successful in this life. And along with the majority of the population I too hope she has achieved her dream of having a large family and is finally done procreating.


Angie said...

I feel the same way. She was asked about her other children and if they wanted more siblings. She said that if they would have told her not to have any more she wouldn't have done it. Well, the oldest is only 7. How is he suppose to say that to her and understand what he is asking her. I really worry about the kids, all of them. I don't know how she is going to do it. It breaks my heart to see people like you and Dallan and your other friends struggle for one kid. Thanks for sharing.

Mandee said...

And she thinks she is going to start back to school next semester... I think she may be delusional!

Neas Nuttiness said...

This has been a hot topic with me and my friends. We are all infuriated about this. When she gave that TV interview, it was all we could do, to keep from chucking something at the screen. This woman is a fruitcake, and the doctors at the fertility clinic, obviously skipped the course on ethics. It was all about the MONEY!

Randi said...

I totally agree with you 100%. There is no way she will be able to provide and care for that many children, and unfortunately it will be the sweet children that suffer. Ahhhh! This story makes me want to scream every time I think about it!

Mandee said...

I am glad to hear that I am not the only one outraged by this!

snbjork said...

I feel so out of the loop. We don't get any tv stations or the newspaper so I often miss out on big stories. This woman sounds like she needs some serious help. It makes me very sad!!!

By the way, Mandee, my Mom is fine. She's having knee surgery tomorrow. She had her left knee done a couple of years ago and it really helped, so she's having the right done tomorrow. She's got a fabulous doctor, so I have a feeling everything will go smoothly. Thanks for thinking of her!

Heather said...

Oh my gosh I didn't realize she was single!!!!!!

Nothing says marriage material like..."Hey do you want to go back to my house and meet my 14 children?"

This story disgusts me even more!
I cannot even wrap my brain around all of the things that are wrong with this situation!

And she thinks she is going to go back to college next quarter?

It hurts my heart to think about the six that are at home, I have a special place in my heart for the idea of having six kids. I consider myself a fairly capable person and have a stable marriage and family income/life. This being said...their is no way I could even imagine bringing home and raising 8 more kids, and raising them all at the same time as infants!

It will be interesting to see how this story develops and how quickly the state takes these kiddos away....

Bets anyone?

emma jo said...

I am really glad that you wrote about it too. I have grounded myself from watching or reading any more about her because I am so infuriated by it. You were right on with all of your reasons. She is sad and crazy and I actually feel bad for her because the state WILL take away her kids and it will be devestating to this already unstable person in a horribly self-inflicted situation.

Tiffany Jones said...

I totally agree as well. It has all been said.

AndriaLaws said...

I watched this lady on the Dateline special and the Today show. I totally agree with everything that has been thoughts when I was watching this interview is that this lady is just so totally delusional it's scary.

I'm curious to see how long it will be before the state steps in and takes these kids away....not that I'm in favor of government interference but seriously, these kids are really going to be suffering in this situation. It really makes me sick at how selfish people can be, and how stupid.

Jessica said...

I just feel sad about the whole thing. I feel sad for her (not that much) older children. I feel sad for the babies who were brought into this situation and given such dicey odds at a normal life. I feel sad for Nadya. She obviously did not have her needs met somewhere and this became for her a viable solution. I really can't understand. It seems like such a selfish decision to me. And so unrealistic. I feel like I am treading water with my small brood of three 80% of the time. I think there will have to be an awakening to the reality of the situation at some point in time. I just hope whatever happens, the kids will be able to get what they need to be successful in life.

Lexi said...

This whole thing makes me crazy. Thanks for the nice things you said about dealing with one child with autism. It's going to be so much worse for her and she has no idea. I think she's certifiably crazy. She just can't have one autistic son and think that it's okay to have that many more kids. We would LOVE to have more babies right now. But I have an autistic son who needs a tremendous amount of attention that I know I wouldn't' be able to keep up with if I had just one more child, much less 11 more. Plus, the chances of her bringing all 8 of those micropreemies home without any of them having a serious health problem is next to nothing. I had one son who was only 6 weeks early and he had to be on oxygen for a MONTH. That's round the clock care because you have to make sure that they're oxygen is always on them and there are alarms that go off even if the baby just moves a bit. She's clearly doesn't have even a close understanding of what it's going to take- to me it's evidenced in the fact that she does not know what it takes to raise an autistic son. I really feel like the answer is to adopt them out. She can't do it. If she wasn't so selfish she would see that and do what was best for those babies.

I have a ton more to say but I don't want to do it. too much bitterness.