The Joys of Camping....

For those that REALLY know me, you know I am not a camper. There are many aspects of camping I don't necessarily enjoy. It is my opinion that camping is a chore, a production where everything from making breakfast to using the bathroom is work. But Dallan talked me into it. He said camping creates memories for your children and I want to go and create some memories...so I relented...and here are some of our best moments....

1. Our camp site - We camped at Cave Springs up in Sedona. Our camp site backed up to a creek where the kids found this rope swing. It was one of their favorite things to do.

2. Our trip to slide rock - This was Madelyn and Jackson's favorite off site activity we did. They had an absolute blast and were not afraid to slide, swim, or jump!

3. Our trip to see the Indian cliff dwellings at Walnut Creek Park - Madelyn spent a good portion of her second grade year studying Native American tribes, so this was right up her alley. After going all Jackson wanted was to meet a "real" Native American.

Madelyn by a very cool looking Juniper tree.

Hanging out in one of the many cliff dwellings there.

4. Our trip to Bearizona - In mine and Dallan's opinion this was a waste of $50, but the kids had a good time.

This was one of the black bears we saw from the car window as we drove through the zoo. The kids appropriately named him "tubby".

Classic Jackson! He came up with that pose all on his own.

Their Bearizona tattoos!

5. Our hiking trip to Devils Bridge - The kids didn't love the hike. It was hot and it was uphill, oh who am I kidding I didn't love the hike either but the end was worth the effort.

The beginning of the trail head.

The top of the sandstone arch.

More from the top.

6. Making friends - Our camp site was full every night which meant new friends to play with everyday. The kids had such a good time making clubhouses, going fishing with their little nets, and exploring the creek with their new BFF's. Jackson wouldn't slow down long enough to get a picture with him and his little buddy. But I will say he was the social butterfly of Cave Springs. If he wasn't going camp site to camp site looking for someone to play with, he was pillaging for food. The boy has no shame when it comes to eating.

In conclusion...I have to agree with Dallan...we did create some great family memories. I still think camping is hard work and sometimes I don't want a vacation to be hard work, but this time around I was thankful Dallan talked me into it. We had a GREAT time!

What to do, What to do...

As I was sitting poolside today in my shorts and tee shirt I vacillated between two different thoughts...The first....why should I care about what I look like in a swimsuit (I refuse to wear one in public) when there are people that look like "that" walking around parading themselves in front of a crowd of people. I mean they seriously have no shame. And the second thought was....if you wear one you will undoubtedly become one of "those" people and someone else will be thinking/writing the same thing about you. So you either stay cool or stay covered, I haven't made up my mind yet, and I can promise you that there will be no pictures should I decide to be brave.

PS - I love the promise of looking 10 pounds thinner in 10 seconds with the "miracle" swimsuit. Do they not understand that the swimsuit only covers a portion of my body. I mean they aren't selling me something that goes from head to toe. How do they then expect to make me look 10 pounds lighter? Advertising!

Feeling a Little Guilty...

Today was our first real day of Summer vacation. I mean the first day that we were home by ourselves for the entire day. Can I just tell you that it was a looong morning followed by an even longer afternoon? The last thing I wanted to do was plan a family home evening lesson. So I decided I would go ahead and give my search of the perfect cupcake recipe a trial run and give the results to the neighbors across the street. Because the "thin mint" cupcakes included things like boiling water and chocolate ganache I decided to go for the easier snickerdoodle cupcake. And I cheated BIGTIME. It was a store bought cake mix with a few added ingredients to doctor it up, and then it was frosting you buy in a can again with a few extra ingredients. I made the batter, sprinkled the tops with cinnamon and sugar, and hoped for the best. First lesson learned....I tend to overfill. The results....cupcake batter oozing over the edge. However, they did make my house smell lovely. The tops didn't "crackle" like a snickerdoodle cookie does but the taste was yummy. I then frosted them with cinnamon vanilla frosting, attached a card to the plate and sent the kids on their way. On a different note...I need serious help with my presentation skills because I am telling you they weren't pretty. In fact I was embarrassed to even take a picture of them so I don't even have any proof that I actually baked them. But here is where the guilt set in. A few minutes after the kids came home the phone rang. It was my neighbor. Mandee what kind of cupcakes were those? Well...they are supposed to be reminiscent of a snickerdoodle cookie. Well they were the best cupcakes I have ever had. Seriously you could put those cupcake places out of business. I was too embarrassed to tell her they came from a box. But then Dallan reminded me that maybe she knew they came from a box and that they weren't as good as a professional because (and these are his exact words) what is she really going to say...hey these are pretty good but I know they came from a box. Maybe she decided to call you because it is easier lying over the phone than in person. By the way he ate 4 cupcakes so they couldn't be that bad! So there is my confession...I am a slacker. I buy cake mixes from a box and pretend they are homemade. There I said it. And for those like me that want the recipe...you let me know, and I promise I will never tell a soul.

Click here to view this photo book larger

On the Night You Were Born...

This afternoon I called out to Jackson telling him to go and pick out some books for us to read together. This has become our weekly ritual. A few moments in the middle of the day that is just for him and me. We climb up on the bed and I open up the first book he picked out.

"On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered, Life will never be the the same. For never before in story or rhyme (not even once upon a time) has the world ever known a you, my friend, and it never will, not ever again....Heaven blew every trumpet and played every horn on the wonderful, marvelous night you were born".

Reading that book to him started me thinking...I spent so much of my young adult life trying to measure up. It was exhausting work and in the end I always fell short of someones expectations. I never felt pretty enough or smart enough. Truthfully I just didn't feel like I was enough of anything. That was until I meet someone who literally changed my life. He was something of a spiritual giant. A man who said here I am God...use me for good. And this is what he taught me....

It is the simple truth that each of us is a unique child of a loving Heavenly Father. We were sent here with all the qualities and characteristics to be happy and successful in this life. Say that out loud...I AM A CHILD OF GOD. That is powerful. That makes you and me valuable... worth more than we can even comprehend. Knowing that one bit of eternal truth changes everything. It changes the way you see yourself. It changes the way you see the people you love and perhaps more importantly it changes the way you see those that are HARD to love. With this knowledge comes responsibility. With this knowledge comes peace of mind. It is my hope as a mother that I can instill this bit of truth in both of my children. I hope I say it loud enough and often enough that it becomes a permanent fixture in both their minds.

So to Madelyn and Jackson.....Be happy with who you are. When feelings of inadequacy and self doubt creep in...pray. Pray and ask Heavenly Father to help you see yourself the way HE sees you. Ask Him to help you learn to love yourself. Remember you have something to offer the world because there is no one in the world like you. Believe in yourselves. Believe in your talents. Believe you have something great to offer the world. And one last thing... I will let you in on a little secret....an amazing thing occurs when you learn to love yourself....loving others and seeing the good in people becomes almost effortless.

I Believe in You.
Love,

And So It Begins.....

I think I have been holding out hope that our darling Madelyn would grow up to be well....socially awkward.

This would save us from so many things....mainly BOYS. She is BEAUTIFUL now and I am quite positive this attribute will only increase as she grows up (minus that weird age when all girls look gawky and strange). She has never been a "girly" girl. She doesn't like dolls, she likes dinorsaurs. She doesn't like dresses, she likes shorts and her sneakers. Her hair is ALWAYS in a ponytail because she doesn't like it curly. She is a perfect tomboy. A tomboy who likes to play with boys at recess but NOT a tomboy who "LIKES" boys. So here is the situation....a couple of weeks ago Miss Madelyn started talking non-stop about a boy we will call "C". It was C this and C that. And mom would you like to know all the things that C does for me at school? Sure, Madelyn...what does C do? Well he carries my books, he punches my homework ticket, and once mom I couldn't put on my necklace and he did it for me. OH BOY this does not sound good. After several more days of C this and C that Madelyn asks this question....Mom, what does the word C-R-U-S-H mean? Well Madelyn crush has several meanings. Why don't you tell me where you heard that word and I will tell you what it means. Okay...see mom...C's friend told me at recess that C has a crush on me. OH REALLY? Ya, so what does it mean? Well Madelyn it means that he likes you as a FRIEND. Oh, okay. Then Dallan discovers a tell-tell sign that this wasn't just your typical one way crush. The evidence? A box covered with hearts and C's name written all over it. They had a talk. The box was turned so the hearts couldn't be seen. Later that evening Madelyn comes in our room and says mom, I feel bad about drawing those hearts. I said its okay Madelyn. She said but mom I just can't stop thinking about that word. I said what word would that be Madelyn...CRUSH mom. I just can't stop thinking about it. And so it goes on. The word PLAY DATE has been BANNED from our vocabulary...courtesy of one FREAKED out DAD. And we are only in the SECOND GRADE.....YIKES.

How do you let go?

Over the years we have lived in lots of places. I loved moving. I loved the adventure of going some place new. I loved that every few years you were forced to go through your things and get rid of the junk you were holding on to. I also loved that with each new place you got the opportunity to reinvent yourself. Our first move was to Charleston, SC. Dallan and I were newly weds. Life was good. Very good in fact. It was there I learned just how valuable friendships are. We meet amazing people with huge hearts and great capacities to love. Dallan and I witnessed miracles there. We have cherished memories of being a part of an extended family of friends who cried with us and finally celebrated with us when we were blessed with Madelyn. But Charleston was easy to leave. Only because everyone we loved was moving on too. Our next stop.....Washington. From the moment we walked into our new ward it felt like home. I remember sitting behind Jessica Washburn in church. She turned around and said something funny and when she turned back around I whispered to Dallan I like her. She was the first of MANY women who I came to love, admire, and respect while living there. These women became my lifeline. As I struggled with the waiting for yet another baby these women rallied behind me. And when we finally got news of Jackson they were there crying happy tears right along side of me. And then it was time to leave. But this time was MUCH, MUCH different. I was the only one leaving. It was one of the hardest most depressing times in my life. My heart ached to be back there. And so I closed myself off. If I couldn't have that I didn't want anything else. I am still in touch with many of those friends. I have watched from afar as they have celebrated new babies, personal successes, and sadness that comes from losing someone you love. Not being there has made me sad, jealous, and sometimes even angry. I haven't made the same effort to meet and make friends because I wanted those friends back. So this is me attempting to restart and open myself up to new possibilities here. Since leaving I have become like a newly returned missionary...forgetting all the hardships while remembering only the wonderful. I suppose a part of me thought me closing the door would somehow mean that, that time in my life didn't mean as much as I thought it did. However, I have realized that closing the door doesn't mean forgetting or even leaving people behind. What it does mean is that I can now come to terms that things may never be like that again and that's okay. It has taken me a long, long time to finally say... good bye.

For Lexi.....

Disneyland 2010 - At the end of April we headed west with the Tenney's for a weekend filled with all things Mickey.

Madelyn & Jackson at the hotel. They were VERY excited to be in California and out of the car!

Here is Madelyn getting ready to ride California Screamin. She was an adrenaline junkie...I think the final Tally for going on this ride was 5...something she was very proud of!

Jackson's FAVORITE moment of the trip...meeting "race car" or Lightening McQueen!

Jackson's ride of choice while waiting for Madelyn & Dallan to finish their ride on California Screamin.

Hanging out on the pirate boat at California Adventure. I LOVE that smile!

So Jackson would NOT stand close to ANY of the characters with the exception of Lightening & the princesses. He was in awe of them....

Madelyn swinging in Tarzan's tree.

Waiting in line with her autograph book to see the princesses. Which by the way was surprising. She doesn't like their movies, books, costumes, etc, etc. Maybe it was the thrill of adding to her book that made the wait worth while.



The Tenney Family. They are some of our FAVORITE people!


Waiting to board the Finding Nemo ride.

All in all it was a GREAT trip. The kids had a great time with their cousins and Dallan and I got to spend the weekend with Susan & Jeff. The Tenney's LOVE Disneyland, so if I can talk Dallan into it there very well could be a Disneyland sequel next summer.

To a Great Man....

A couple of years ago I had the thought that I wanted to make a list of people who had made a positive impact on my life and then write each of them a letter thanking them. Well like lots of ideas...they came....and then they left. But as I was reflecting on this new year and what I wanted to accomplish again the thought came to me and this time I decided I was actually going to follow through with it. So I made the list. And out of all the names there were just two people who I hadn't seen or spoken to in several years. Finding them was going to be the hardest part. I set about my search and after several emails to the MTC and several google searches later I found one of the two. Actually, I found someone with the same name...Kelly R. Gehret. I decided to take a chance and write this person an email hoping that they were somehow related. And sure enough the Kelly Gehret I wrote was the son of President Gehret who was my Branch President in the MTC. But I was too late. President Gehret passed away in 2004.

So who was President Gehret? Upon arriving at the MTC I was scared...shell shocked...unsure of myself, and above all those insecure feelings I was left feeling VERY aware of all the wrong choices I had made. I felt worthless and in no way worthy to be there. And in comes President Gehret. To say I was intimidated would be an understatement. When he spoke...you listened. This man saw right through me. He knew I was struggling. What I loved most about him was his unwillingness to give up on me. He saw something good in me. He believed in me...believed I was capable of becoming more than I had allowed myself to be up to that point in my life.

The few letters he wrote to me while I was a missionary are some of my most prized possessions. The lessons he taught me about forgiveness, God's love, and the importance of seeing yourself the way God see you are priceless. I am only sorry I never got to tell him how I finally moved past the guilt. How I learned to love myself in spite of the mistakes I had made and how because of him I try harder to see the good in other people. Thank you President Gehret for changing the course of my life...I look forward to seeing you again someday.

The results are in...

Our color choice for this yeat's family photos was quite difficult. I love black. I think just about everyone looks good in black. But it was time for a change or so everyone told me! In the end I went with gray. Dallan thought it was funny that I chose something VERY close to my all time favorite...but give me some credit...at least I tried! Here are some of the pictures. We are waiting for the rest to be mailed to us. Our photographer was amazing to work with, was more than reasonable in her pricing, and in my opinion did a fabulous job. If anyone living in Arizona would like her name and number just let me know!

All Aboard...

The day before Thanksgiving we loaded up the family and headed up North to Williams, AZ. For those of you who don't know, Williams has a Polar Express train depot and for a small fee will transport you and your children all the way up to the North Pole. We were served cookies and hot chocolate by adorable waiters. As we ate and sipped our goodies we listened as the book was read to us. And before you could say ALL ABOARD we were at the North Pole. Buildings with twinkling lights housed what looked like little elves busily making toys. And of course there was Santa's Sleigh loaded with a huge bag of toys just waiting to be delivered. As the train stopped and started to go back in the direction we came the kids noticed Santa wasn't in his sleigh anymore! That's because he had decided to jump aboard. So while we waited for Santa to make his way to our car we all sang Christmas carols. And finally...SANTA... complete with a real beard, rosy cheeks and of course magic bells taken straight from his sleigh for each of the kids. For the next several minutes all we heard was "mom, dad can you hear it ringing"? And we would reply "no, I don't think I can hear it". And their response would be..."well all you have to say is I believe, and then you will hear it ringing". And so we would say I believe and sure enough we would hear the bell! As we deboarded the train we were each handed a little ticket that had the word BELIEVE on it. Madelyn and Jackson loved it enough to make us want to take them again next year. Hope you enjoy the pictures....

Help us Celebrate!

I love November! Thanksgiving, putting up the Christmas decorations and above that November is National Adoption Month.

How lucky we are to be the parents of two amazing children. They are smart. They are healthy. They are beautiful. It is humbling to know I would not be who I am today if it were not for two remarkable women.

Madelyn and Jackson along with their birth moms are our greatest miracles.

Let's Stop the Madness....

As I was lying in bed last night I started thinking about how I often go for the easy route. Frozen pizza for dinner, riding when I could be walking, playing when I should be working. Sometimes the easy way is the best way especially when life gets hectic. But there are certain things in life when opting for a shortcut is just simply not okay.

As I was lying there I thought about the last time I "blogged". It had been forever. In fact it had been so long that most people don't even check to see if something new had been written. I asked myself why. Why did I stop filling in those friends and family who I don't get to see or speak to very often about what is happening in my life? And then it dawned on me....FACEBOOK. I had exchanged personal and most often heartfelt posts about what I was experiencing to one line tags that most people could care less about (I mean who really cares that I am doing the laundry or going to the grocery store). Is that what friends want to know now? Are we really ready to trade in meaningful conversation for real time updates on the ordinary and mundane things we do each day? This lead me to go to those blogs I use to read religiously. There are of course were a few who didn't let me down. I know I can always count on Emily for an enjoyable and often times inspiring look into her life. But for the most part our blogs had been abandoned. Traded in for less than fulfilling conversations.

For my part in this travesty (no, I don't think I am being too extreme here) I apologize. I am not saying that my blogs were always enjoyable or greatly written but at least they were honest. At least it provided a way for those people I love to share in my life. I am sad to say I don't feel CONNECTED anymore.

I am sitting here asking myself how did I allow this to happen. I am someone who LOVES and VALUES her friendships. I just don't want to know what someone is doing I want to know how they are FEELING, what they are EXPERIENCING. I want to be a part, even if it is just a small part of their lives. When did it become okay to trade in the good stuff for...FLUFF?

SO this is my attempt to stop the madness I helped to create. To those friends whose blogs I read sometimes DAILY...I am sorry I have missed out on your life...your thoughts. And for those that are perfectly content with real time I am okay with that too.

Now I think I will go on facebook and post that I have updated my blog. Maybe that is the only way someone will actually read this!

What do you do??

Here is the question....WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING BUT TIME?? I know get all the things on your list accomplished...RIGHT? What if you are one of those people who work really well under pressure but not so good when you have all the time in the world to do all those mundane check points on your list of "What I need to accomplish today". I am sitting here looking around at the MANY things I SHOULD be doing but having NO motivation to do them. However, if someone called me and said I will be in your neighborhood this evening do you mind if I stop by I would have this house SPOTLESS in a matter of HOURS (yes, hours...that is how far behind I am). I am sometimes so bored that I could scream but perhaps wouldn't be if I would just get up and start moving. So here is the final question....WHY DON'T WE DO WHAT WE KNOW WILL MAKE US FEEL BETTER? This could apply to a TON of things in my life. Such as...Why don't I exercise when I KNOW it will make me feel feel healthier? Why don't I read my scriptures more when I KNOW it will yield positive results? Why don't I get up and clean the house when I KNOW how good I will feel once it is done? If anyone can offer up some advice to these conflicting questions you will be my hero!

A New Opportunity!

Several weeks ago our case worker came to do our home visit. During our conversation she brought up FSA, which is short for Families Supporting Adoption. For those that aren't familiar with what FSA is here is a little background....Families Supporting Adoption primarily consists of families who have either adopted or are hoping to adopt, birth mothers and adopted children. anEach LDS Family Service has their own chapter of FSA. The case workers at each office select a couple to act as Co-Chairs for their chapter of FSA. The Co-Chairs organize and oversee several sub-committees some of which deal with local media outlets, schools, hospitals and government leaders.

Back to our conversation....out of the blue she asked Dallan and I if we would be interested in becoming the Co-Chairs for the Phoenix Chapter of FSA. She told us to really talk, think, pray about it and let her know when we came to a decision. So after much thinking on my part (let's face it most of the work will be done by me and not by the other part of the "Co") I decided I wanted to do it. So I called Hannah and told her we would do it. We then got a call a few days later from someone else at LDS Family Services. This time it wasn't Hannah but a guy we had never meet ( I think he is the director for the Phoenix office). He thanked us for our willingness to be a part of FSA and then asked if we would be interested in serving on the LDS Family Advisory Board. The board assists LDSFS in approving enews letters, emails, filling volunteer positions, planning focus group discussions to assist local church leaders, etc, etc.

Anyway, I am finding that this is going to be a lot of work, but I am excited to be a part of something that has completely blessed mine and Dallan's lives.

PS - the picture has nothing to do with what this post is about but it was so cute I just had to include it!

HAPPY 6th BIRTHDAY MADELYN!! We love you!

WE NEED HELP!

A couple of days ago I got some alarming information. As of now there is a $10,000 tax credit for families/individuals who adopt. In January of 2010 that tax credit will expire unless something is done to stop it. Most adoption agencies (with the exception of LDS family services) charge upwards of $20,000 for an adoption. LDS family services charges 10% of your combined income with a minimum of $4,000 and a maximum of $10,000. This tax credit has always ensured families that there would be help in offsetting the costs associated with adoption.

As of now there is a bill that will stop this tax credit from expiring. It is the Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act of 2009, H.R. 213. When I researched it there was only 96 representatives who were signed on in support of the bill.

We need help in generating awareness and support from our local and state leaders. This not only hurts me and Dallan but countless other families nationwide. With all that is happening with health care reform and the economic crisis we are in, I am afraid this issue will fall by the wayside.

Please contact your state leaders asking them to support the Adoption Tax Relief Guarantee Act of 2009, H.R. 213! Thanks for helping to spread the word!

It's the End of an Era!

Say goodbye (at least for now) to young women's and hello to relief society. I promised myself when we finally bought a house and settled into a new ward I wouldn't complain about the calling I was given. Our first Sunday they were re-organizing the young women's organization and I thought...I think I will finally serve somewhere other than YW. But a few weeks later I was surprised to hear that I would be serving as the Beehive advisor. The only calling other than secretary that I have yet to experience. To be honest I was a little disapointed, but I tried to be happy and excited to just be a serving in our new ward. But the honest truth was as hard I tried I just felt burned out. I have LOVED, LOVED, LOVED being with the girls first in South Carolina, then in Arizona, and from there Washington, then on to Rexburg, and finally back to Arizona. In each of those places I have had experiences I wouldn't trade for ANYTHING. There have been girls who have amazed me with their talents, faith, and love for the Savior. There have been more than a few who I have laughed with and even more that I have cried with. I have seen some who have made big mistakes and yet had the strength of character to move forward and turn their lives completely around. There are many thatI am still in touch with today. Girls who are now married and some who have children of their own. Each of them along with all the women I have served with over the years have made me a better person, a better member of the church, a better friend, and a better mom. But I NEEDED a change. Since leaving Washington it has been REALLY hard for me to reach out and make friends and the thing is I NEED FRIENDS. Our Heavenly Father in His INFINITE wisdom knew this and knew that I wouldn't any time soon make an effort to get to know the sisters in our new ward. So He took matters into His own hands and made some changes.

As of last Sunday I am no longer in young women's but am now serving as 1st counselor in Relief Society. I am SO THANKFUL for the change. So THANKFUL that I am being pulled away from what I am comfortable with and into something that will be new and challenging. And even more THANKFUL that our Heavenly Father LOVES us and KNOWS what we need BEFORE we even know we NEED it.